Journal Relationships

Sometimes I’m a Crappy Wife 

Sometimes I’m a Crappy Wife  www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Valli Vida Gideons

I apologize.

I realize, I haven’t always been a good wife.

Well, actually, I’ve known it for a while. But, I’ve just been too stuck to admit it.

I know what you might be thinking… I’ve been a good mom. Sure. I do what I need to do. Sure. I have done my job in The Mom department well. Sure.

But… And here’s the big BUT…

I have dropped the ball as your life-partner.

And here’s why:

I have spent too much time keeping score.

I have resented you getting to be an adult, while I’ve felt left in this mom-mode thing.

I have been insecure about my job as a care-taker.

I have been too tired and too frazzled and too distracted; and sometimes don’t even have dinner on the table or groceries in the pantry. And at times~I haven’t given a damn.

I have acted jealous of your career; and secretly I have resented it. And you.

I have dismissed your parenting skills at times, and thought my way was the only way.

I have been too tired, too insecure, too self-conscious.

I have been so overwhelmed that some days I haven’t even bothered to ask you about your day.

At times…

I have juggled and dropped the ball.

I admit it.

And now that I’ve acknowledge it, I can try to change it.

I’m sure I’ll keep messing up. Again. And again.

But, I’m admitting where I’ve gone wrong (and, as you know, this doesn’t come easy for me).

So, maybe this is a good first step?

Next up… perhaps turkey pot pie?!

*This post was previously published on valligideons.wordpress.com

About the author

Valli Vida Gideons

I am a military bride, who writes about navigating through the fog of raising kids with cochlear implants and other things from the heart. I have discovered that there is no such thing as “typical” and prefer square pegs.

Unrelated but not irrelevant…

I love Rap and God; I have a degree in journalism and in second grade wrote my first story about a walking/talking sponge (can you say: “I was robbed?!”); I’ve been an exercise instructor since my teen years (Flashdance sweatshirts, leg warmers and vinyl records to prove it); and may have been an extra on the vintage 90’s hit, Beverly Hills 90210 (proof still found on VHS tapes).

I got hypothermia in my first marathon at mile 25.5, but went on to kick ass the next six times I toed the line; I use to cut hair on Melrose Ave. in another life; and I am still besties with my two closest pals from elementary school, who encouraged me to share my story.

This is my journey.  I hope it provides a sliver of inspiration for anyone who is entering or in the midst of a fog.