Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

I wake up at 6:45 a.m., not so eager to start another 12-hour shift. My 18-month-old daughter lies sleeping beside me. How a little body occupies more than half of a king-sized bed, I have no answer. My eyes sweep to the opposite edge of the bed, where my husband sleeps. It is empty. It has been for the past hour or so. In the silence, I hear the tap running, the subdued clanking of pans, the creaking of cupboards. Then I hear the sound of hot oil sizzlingprobably for the fried eggs and ham I requested the night before. After 20 minutes, I get up, all groomed and dressed for work. A hearty breakfast awaits me, and my lunch is neatly packed. I thank and kiss my husband, who beams at me in return.  

Amid our conversation, I realize things have not changed between us as I had feared.

It has been months since the big switch.

My husband helps me put on my coat and kisses me goodbye at the front door. We will see each other again about 8:30 that night. By then, he will have already done a million thingscooked meals, cleaned the house, done the laundry, folded the laundry, took out the trash, cared for our daughter, and so much more. As I make the short walk toward work, I find myself falling more deeply in love with the man who, without remorse or contempt, committed himself to become the stay-at-home parent. 

RELATED: You Don’t Know it Yet, But Your Daddy is Such a Good Man

More than a year ago, I was an underpaid nurse while my husband had a rewarding but lucrative career in sales, an industry he had been in for almost a decade. After a condition threatened me from having children, I decided to stop working and my husband became the sole provider. We lived a comfortable life for a while, but soon the sales weren’t coming in as consistently as we liked, and with a baby on the way, I became anxious about the future. 

The search for overseas employment began, and I leveraged my nursing degree and experience. Within months, I got interviewed and received a job offer from the country of my choice. It would offer a higher salary, better benefits, and a more stable future for my growing family. As a bonus, they would wait until my baby turned 6-months-old before having me fly. 

The opportunity was too good to reject, but it didn’t keep me from the fear of losing something in search of a financially better life. In my case, it was losing my husband. He had always been the provider in the family, the leader of the household. I was his reliable sidekick, providing support where I was needed.

We had never considered the idea of swapping roles. I was afraid of us losing each other in the process.

After a lengthy discussion, my husband told me frankly that the role swap would hurt his ego. I was right about that one thing, but I was so wrong about all my other assumptions. That night would reveal to me how gravely I had underestimated my husband. With sincerity, he told me our family takes precedence over any feelings of pride he has. That just as I had supported him in his dreams, he would do likewise. That he was more than willing to switch roles although he could not promise a smooth transition. I remembered why, at 24 and with a flourishing career, I said yes to marrying this man. I felt deep down in my heart he was a man willing to work it out together through it all. My instinct proved to be true.

RELATED: My Husband Helps With the Kids Because That’s What Daddies Do

Months into our new challenge, we’ve hit our stride. My husband and I have a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s roles before and after the switch. He has been spectacular at taking over the domestic mental load as well as budgeting, meal planning, bills, doctor’s appointments—the little things that drive most moms crazy. 

As I was nearing our house, I saw my husband and child giddily waving at me from the living room window. At that moment, I knew.

Our resolve to give up the “I” for “we” was the secret sauce that made all the difference.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Jeanica Casila

Originally from the Philippines, Jeanica now lives in Ireland where she works full-time as a nurse. She is happily married and a first-time mama to a beautiful daughter. Inherently shy and introverted, Jeanica took to writing as a creative outlet. She is currently working on her first book project, which she plans to publish next year. You can read her musings on faith, love, and motherhood on her blog, www.calligraphedthoughts.com.

Sometimes Love is Filling the Empty Water Bottle

In: Marriage
Husband looking at wife, color photo

It was just another typical chaotic morning in our home. As I was about to run out the door to pick up our daughter from school, I noticed my husband’s empty water bottle sitting on the counter. In a split second, I had a choice. I could leave now and take my time walking out to the parking lot. Or, I could stop to fill the water bottle up and end up doing a rushed jog out there. I stopped and filled the water bottle. I took a minute, fully knowing it would add another 60 seconds of chaos to...

Keep Reading

Marriage Is Too Short to Fight over Trash Bags

In: Marriage
Man hugging woman in front of a window

It was a Sunday, and we had just returned from a hospital stay with our medically complex daughter. We needed a reset—one of those “all house chores get tackled in a day” type of resets. We needed a fresh start. Around mid-day, my husband Josh and I were both in full cleaning mode. The morning had been chaotic. Our daughter was struggling with seizures, and our son was still buzzing with excitement from two birthday parties he had attended the day before. As he begged for the banana bread in the oven to cook faster and for more episodes of...

Keep Reading

Your Husband Needs Friendship Too

In: Faith, Friendship, Marriage
3 men smiling outside

As the clock inches closer to 7:00 on a Monday evening, I pull out whatever dessert I had prepared that week and set it out on the kitchen counter. This particular week it’s a trifle, but other weeks it may be brownies, pound cake, or cookies of some kind. My eyes do one last sweep to make sure there isn’t a tripping hazard disguised as a dog toy on the floor and that the leftover dinner is put away. Then, my kids and I make ourselves scarce. Sometimes that involves library runs or gym visits, but it mostly looks like...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Some Days I Feel So Alone

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Woman holding toddler looking tired

Dear my love, I am sitting here at the table you built, back when time was plentiful, and money was sparse. Back when pre-drinks were always at our place, loving sleep-ins were abundant, and the days were our own. I wonder . . . back then, what we might have imagined our life would look like, 10 years later? Would we have pictured the white picket fence, the curly, fair-haired, sensitive little boy and cheeky little girl? We probably would have imagined that we would be hard working, but would we have pictured the deep-set exhaustion that is our day-to-day...

Keep Reading

I Never Thought I’d be Divorced…Twice

In: Living, Marriage
Woman walking away on boardwalk alone

Divorced. I never thought it’d be me. Especially twice divorced. Yet, here I am, single again after two failed marriages. I say failed because the marriages didn’t last. But were they really failures? Failure is defined as a “lack of success.” But by what yardstick is success measured? I know plenty of people in absolutely miserable marriages that I would not consider successful. So is it really fair to call my two marriages failures? I guess it depends on who you ask and what they see as a failure versus a success. Just because a marriage is legally intact doesn’t...

Keep Reading

Marriage Is So Much More than Love

In: Marriage
Husband and wife hugging, color photo

I met my husband when I was 19. I knew right away there was something there. I was intrigued by him—his looks, his smile, his big heart, his mysterious side. He was unapologetically himself. He listened to his music a little too loud, did his own thing, didn’t try to impress my parents, and lived his life on his own terms. With his hat backward, those big blue eyes, and that mischievous grin . . . I fell hook, line, and sinker. I loved the fact that he had his own house, his own boat, his own life. I was...

Keep Reading

Look for the Green Flags Too

In: Marriage
Couple hugs with twinkle lights in background

We all think we want that storybook romance. We want a partner to sweep into our lives, sing love songs outside of our bedroom window, buy huge bouquets of flowers for no particular reason, publicly declare their love for us every day, and when they’re wrong they should always apologize into a microphone in front of a large crowd. Besides the fact that most of the above are clues that Prince Charming is actually an undercover narcissist and you should probably run far away, this kind of romance sounds rather exhausting. Sure, it sounds fun for a while, but there’s...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Remember It All

In: Marriage
Man and woman touch foreheads and smile

Dear husband,  I remember when we were dating in high school, all snuggled up sitting on the couch by the fire in your parents’ basement, talking about our hopes and dreams for our future. We both hoped to be in each other’s future. I remember going on so many adventures. All the laughs, the jokes, all the times we got into trouble and said, “This will make a great story afterward.” I remember when you asked me to marry you. We were so young, so naive with no idea of what the future would hold, but we couldn’t have been...

Keep Reading

What Happens When Your Perfect Life Explodes?

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Marriage, Motherhood
Sad woman by window with her head in hands

One day you’re living your best life, writing articles about how perfect your marriage is, and the next, BOOM, life as you know it completely changes. I was blindsided by information that my husband had been lying to me for three years about certain aspects of our lives. I felt like I had been hit in the gut by the biggest rock you could imagine. What has followed has been a snowball of events and new information that has changed the course of my and my kids’ lives. So what do you do when your perfect explodes? This is one...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, In This Busy Season

In: Living, Marriage
Busy family in the kitchen, man walking into the door holding coffee

Dear husband,  I know this is a busy season for you. I see how hard you’re working. And I know you come home exhausted every night. I know you’d be here earlier—and more often—if you could. But you can’t. Because this is your busy season.  And there are a few things I need you to know.  This is hard for me too. Even on normal days, I’m on call 24/7 for the kids, but now, I don’t have you at home as backup. The needing never stops, and I no longer have you to share it with. I can’t say,...

Keep Reading