When people find out that my kids are adopted, the first comment I get is how much they look like me. And each other. It’s true. We don’t look like an adoptive family. We were open to pretty much everything when we were waiting so I was preparing to get attention wherever we’d go. Turns out that’s not the case. We can blend in easily.

But the next thing people usually want to know about are my kids’ birth parents. I get it. There’s a lot of stereotypes out there. Some pretty ugly stereotypes. Things that just aren’t true most of the time. People are curious and they want to know more about birth parents.

I want to share a little bit. But just a little bit since it’s not my story to tell.

They could be in your family. One of your friends. Maybe your neighbor or co-worker. You might see her at church. There’s a good chance you don’t even realize she is a birth mom. That’s because there’s so much more to her than that.

Between my 3 kids, they have 6 birth parents. Sadly, we don’t know 2 of them.

They are beautiful. Inside and out. Some are younger than me. But some are older. They are educated. Some have college degrees. They are working. They love our kids. They come from loving families. They like hanging out with their friends. They face struggles like we all do. They are human. And they’re doing their best.

Some openly share their status in the adoption world. Others keep their secret tight-lipped.

They didn’t take the choice to make an adoption plan lightly. Some of my kids’ birth parents wrestled that decision for a long time. Even after the baby was born, they still didn’t know what to do. They love our kids (theirs and mine) fiercely and would do anything for them. Even if it means giving up their right to be mom. To be dad.

I know that there are some very hard to hear stories. We live in a broken world. I know that, unfortunately, there are cases were babies are born into horrible, unimaginable situations. I hate that. But I also hate that sometimes people assume the worst about my kids’ first parents.