Self-care seems to be the newest trend in parenting advice. It’s edged out the meditation, yoga and exercise that were trumpeted from the rooftops last decade, and seems to be the current answer to everything from exhaustion to anxiety to bad digestion.

If you’re a parent and you’re feeling stressed, any time you look for help you’re guaranteed to run across an article, commercial or advocate of self-care.

Take time for you! You’re important, too! Eighty-three percent of parents are less likely to lose their minds and run screaming down the street in their underwear if they practice self-care!

And while I don’t disagree, as a matter of fact I think self-care is vital to a person’s health and sanity, I think it’s come to a point where the thought of scheduling in self-care on top of everything else a mom does can feel MORE burdensome than constantly putting herself last.

We’ve all been there at some point or another.

I seriously need a haircut. Hmm, I really don’t want to bring the baby to the salon. I read somewhere the fumes could be bad for her . . . wait, maybe that was for babies in utero? I can’t remember, I haven’t slept in days. Better not risk it. Ok, if I go get my hair done, who will watch the baby? I hate having to ask my mom again, she has enough on her plate. I guess I could pay the college kid down the street. But then I’m paying for a babysitter AND a haircut. That’s a lot of money. I can wait until my husband gets home to watch the kids, but then I’m trying to fit in a salon visit on a Saturday or in the evening. We already have too much going on, there’s no time for that. But I really need a haircut . . . Well, so does Junior, and there’s not room in the budget for two haircuts this month. It’s decided. Junior can get his hair trimmed this month, and maybe I’ll figure something out next month for myself.

As the kids get older (or more numerous), this inner monologue may have different details and concerns, but the results usually end up the same. Kids, family time, budget constraints, all of those take precedence over any form of mom self-care.

Not long ago, I was talking about this very thing with a friend of mine. She’s a stay-at-home mom of four kids, and her husband works long hours during certain seasons of the year. Recently, she wanted to go get her nails done—her first time to do this in too long to remember. She almost didn’t go because she was worried about taking all of her kids with her to the nail salon. Perhaps they would cause a disruption, or she would be so worried that they WOULD cause a disruption that it would ruin the whole experience. However, she decided she would give it a try.

Within five minutes of walking in, two of the girls were fighting, one of her sons had fallen off the chair and was crying, and the other was rolling across the floor on a wheeled office chair. She was about to get up and walk out, figuring the whole thing was too much trouble.

Just then, the lady sitting next to her started a conversation, and said those words every mom loves to hate. “Cherish these moments, they grow up too fast.”

I wasn’t in my friend’s head, but I imagine her thoughts went something like this. Oh yeah, I’m really going to cherish getting kicked out of this salon in the next two minutes when my son wheels himself into the front window and breaks it.

The lady said goodbye and walked up to the front of the salon. The next thing my friend knew, one of the technicians came up to her and said, “That lady just paid for your nails.” She turned around to see the woman she had just been speaking with standing at the counter. As my friend was tearing up and saying it wasn’t necessary, she asked the woman why she would do such a thing. This virtual stranger said, “Because you are doing what a mom is supposed to do. You are taking time for yourself, even though it meant bringing your kids. You are doing something for you. I wish someone had told me to do that when my kids were younger.”

This woman blessed my friend that day, not just by paying for her nails, but with that validation that it’s OK for moms to take time to do something for themselves. Instead of complaining about the rowdy boys, or shooting dirty looks at the bickering girls, she reached out in love, compassion, understanding and kindness. She saw another mom just trying her best to do something small for herself, and she encouraged her.

There really are good people in this world. I hope one day, when I’m in a different season in life, I can bless a young mother the way that lady blessed my friend. I hope I can look at her struggle with her little ones, and only want to encourage instead of shame. After all, us moms need to stick together.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Sandra Samoska

Sandra Samoska is a stay at home wife and mom of four beautiful children. She enjoys writing about her faith, family, and how her family has grown her faith on her blog Outnumbered. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Each Child You Raise is Unique

In: Kids, Motherhood
Three little boys under a blanket, black-and-white photo

The hardest part about raising children? Well, there’s a lot, but to me, one major thing is that they are all completely different than one another. Nothing is the same. Like anything. Ever. Your first comes and you basically grow up with them, you learn through your mistakes as well as your triumphs. They go to all the parties with you, restaurants, sporting events, traveling—they just fit into your life. You learn the dos and don’ts, but your life doesn’t change as much as you thought. You start to think Wow! This was easy, let’s have another. RELATED: Isn’t Parenting...

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know Anxiety until I Knew Grief

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Motherhood
Woman crouched on ground by waterfront

If you had known me for the first 45 years of my life, you would say I was an extrovert. I loved going places, meeting new people, and striking up conversations with all ages. I talk a lot, often sharing too much in the way of being transparent. It’s been said that I have never met a stranger. Yes, I will admit, I am that woman you see in the grocery store line starting up conversations with the people around me. A few years ago, my life started changing, and I struggled with becoming introverted. Though I had once loved...

Keep Reading

Instead of Counting Down the Days until My Marine Came Home, I Counted My Blessings

In: Motherhood
Mother and two children holding "welcome home" signs next to soldier daddy, color photo

It was a relatively mild morning in October—cool even, considering we were in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We stood atop a concrete amphitheater overlooking a grass field in the middle of the small USMC installation known as Twenty-Nine Palms. All the unit’s seabags were lined up in neat rows, each one stuffed to bursting. John held our daughter Eleanor who had just woken up from a nap in her infant carrier. Blearily, she looked around and then smiled when John paused his conversation with some of his friends to coo at her. I sat with our son Sawyer...

Keep Reading

I Am an Adult with Autism

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and three children in wildflowers, color photo

Thirty years. That’s how long it took for me to get the right diagnoses. Thirty years. Of struggles. Of shame. Of depression and anxiety. Of bullying. All without knowing the true causes and what was really going on. I never would have believed you if you told me a few years ago that I was autistic. It wasn’t until all three of my children were diagnosed with autism that I started to see the similarities and begin to question. At first, I thought there was no way. Wouldn’t I have known by now? It just can’t be. So I threw...

Keep Reading

I Hope My Daughter Loves Her Future Mother-in-Law

In: Motherhood
Bride holding mother's hands

I’m a proud boy mom. I catch bugs, I catch balls (in the house), and I try my best to catch my boys’ every fall. I love it. I love being a boy mom. There is one part I don’t like: everyone telling me they will leave as soon as they meet “the one,” and their wife’s family will push my husband and I out of the picture. “A boy is yours ‘til he finds a wife, a daughter’s your daughter all her life.” I’d heard it too many times from older moms who chuckle as if the rhyming covers...

Keep Reading

Adoptive Parents-To-Be Deserve to Be Celebrated Too

In: Motherhood
Couple making heart with hands

My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all. After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process...

Keep Reading

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Take it from a Mom Who’s Been There: It Gets Easier

In: Motherhood
Mother with teen daughter embracing and smiling outside

My view from home is changing as my oldest is now married and my youngest is wrapping up his college career. But dear mom of little ones and even those not-so-little ones, I want you to know that I remember. I remember the side-eyes and the judging glances from older moms as I juggled toddlers doing their toddler thing. All these years later, I still feel the harshness of their stings. I remember the gloom and doom declarations of “Just wait until they turn three, or ten, or thirteen . . .” Those almost gleefully delivered little quips that made...

Keep Reading