This morning my alarm went off at 8 am then again at 8:30, 9 and finally at 9:30 I told myself I had to get out of bed. It was another dreary, windy and yucky day.

My positive mood becomes less and less when gray skies continue to block the sunshine. It is amazing how fast the weather can change my inner desire to be productive. You see, when I say productive it means having energy to do ANYTHING. I work hard on finding the good and looking at the positive each day. But just like that, gray clouds move in and my mood is changed. The last few months of winter are the worst for the dippy dos. I notice every little thing upsets me, the tears flow fast and easy, my mood is on a roller coaster ride and I find that I just want to go back to bed and wake up where I left off four-and-half years ago.

The storm that I am faced with is the storm of losing my son, Tyler. He was 15-years-old when he lost his life in a car accident a short distance from our house. When I think back to before Tyler’s accident, the cloudy days never affected me the way they do now. I remember Tyler telling me he loved those days. He said he liked listening to the soft, gentle rain or the raging storms with lighting and thunder. For Tyler, it was a calming and peaceful feeling. He really made me look at storms differently. However, now that he is gone, those days are sad reminders that he is no longer here.

Lord, help me to turn this storm that I have raging inside me and make it calm. I want to feel the same peace Tyler did when he heard the pitter-patter of the soft rain or the ruckus of the raging storm.

I want to have the 110% trust in God like he did!

I have read countless books of others who are enduring far worse situations. Those families have pushed through the multiple storms and still stay afloat. I am very sure there were many times they wanted to give up when the storm jerked them in a different direction or threw a new twist to their plan. The common link that kept them afloat was their faith. I imagine they went through the same feelings I have of loss, sorrow and lack of motivation. But over and over again their faith kept them going no matter what the distractions or fears.

Just like others, my faith has played a big part in my life, especially after Tyler’s accident. However, like many others, the deepest, darkest moments are when my faith is challenged the most. The one constant thing in my life when everything else was in shambles was GOD. I keep praying that God will intervene when he knows it is time and calm the waters.

It is through Tyler’s sweet memories of how the gray, cloudy days brought a calm peaceful feeling to his soul that I will find the sunshine. It is with God’s help I will find safety and strength to trudge through my storm. I am reminded each day is in God’s hands. He has already made the decision to what days will be sunny, gloomy or partly cloudy. He has already decided what storm we will face and when. He will be the one to rescue us in times of trouble.

Missy Hillmer

I am Ma to the four Shorties. I am married to Craig, fellow educator and college football fanatic. Jesus and a good cup of coffee make me a happy girl. Teaching middle school science and front porch rockin’ are two of my many daily adventures.