The Struggle in These Years is Part of Our Love Story

You used to drive a big black Ford pickup truck, and I would box dye my hair. We didn’t make plans, only big dreams. We would stay up late talking about the scars on our hearts, and stay in bed till noon talking about the beauty in each other. I held your hand, and you held my heart. It wasn’t that simple though. Because I gave up a master’s degree on the West Coast, and you gave up a job that allowed you to travel. We were learning to compromise for each other, and sometimes that was hard.

The struggle in these years is part of our love story.

We had 150 guests, wrote our own vows, and danced the night away. A week later, we packed boxes, traveled 140 miles and started new jobs. We were beginning to settle down, and while that was what we wanted, it was also a little scary. You pushed away, and I would pull back. I pushed away, and you would pull back. We were learning that “happily ever after” wasn’t always easy.

The struggle in these years is part of our love story.

It was a couple of years, two fertility clinics, hundreds of ultrasounds, medications, blood draws, procedures, and surgeries. This wasn’t how we planned to have our family. You held my hand, and wiped my tears. I fell apart, and you kept me together. We prayed, and never gave up. The look in your eye when you held our first son, I will never forget that.

The struggle in these years is part of our love story.

There is little sleep and a lot of diapers. Arguments at 3 a.m. because we have absolutely no idea what we are doing. Juggling full time jobs and full time parenting. Longing for time alone, and needing time together. Then, surprise! Two under two. The giggles, and smiles, and chubby little arms wrapped around our necks. Our hearts are so full, but sometimes we can feel a little empty.

The struggle in these years is part of our love story.

I sat there on the closet floor, surrounded by piles of clean, unfolded clothes with tears pouring out of my eyes. I was just looking up at you. I needed something, anything–and I could tell you were grasping to find it. The look on your face was helpless, and the look in my eyes was hurt. And in that moment we realized, we needed to start fighting for each other.

There is so much that is wonderful, but there is some messy too. We aren’t living a fairy tale, we are building a life. It is full of trials and tribulations, bumps and bruises, and so much that is beautiful. We sometimes get a little lost, but we always find our way back to one another.

The first page started with “You & I” and that is how the last page will end. 

There is struggle in these years, but it is part of our love story