We first found out about the possibility in early November.
Usually, when our adoption agency shows our profile book, we don’t know, so we don’t go through the ups and downs of wondering if we’ll be picked every time we are shown to an expectant mom considering adoption.
This time, there was a question the expectant mom had that wasn’t answered by profile books. Our answer was a match.
We found out our book would be shown on November 17th.
We made the mistake of telling a few people who would not stop asking questions about if we had heard anything after our book was shown. I told them to stop asking, but the questions continued as though I’d forget to tell them if we got news.
In early December, we found out the expectant mom wanted to meet with us.
We had to find childcare for our son as the adoption agency asks we don’t bring our son to our first meeting with the expectant family. This required us to ask around and find someone to watch our son, and of course, explain why we needed a babysitter.
We get to the meeting at exactly the start time. We meet a very nice and supportive family: the expectant mom, her twin sister, and both her parents are there.
My husband and I are not outgoing with strangers, and I’m surprised to find how easily the conversation is going. I realize how much I already really like these people.
I see, too, how much they all love this baby and are struggling to make the right decision. I understand why they are considering adoption but also wish there were a way they could keep this baby. They want an open adoption with visits, which is our preference for adoptions. But still, it’s never going to be the same as their biological family being the ones to raise the baby.
Toward the end of the meeting, I ask if there is anything else they are looking for in an adoptive family.
We’ve talked about the open adoption aspect and the religion they want the baby raised in (which matches our religion and there is no conflict). We talked about names for the baby as there is a family name they would like to use if the baby is a boy, a name that we like. We shared how our first son, also adopted, has the first name his birth mother picked and that we chose a different middle name. I want her to have any information she needs from us about what we will do as parents.
The expectant mom lowers her head and starts to cry, “I just want someone to love this baby and raise him.”
We let her cry a little, and she apologizes for crying.
We rush to tell her it’s completely understandable to be sad. The words feel so inadequate. The adoption agency social worker reminds her that they’ve talked about letting the tears come when they do.
It’s obvious a lot of sadness surrounds her, and she is struggling to make her decision.
When the adoption social worker walks us out, she tells us she will be in touch with whatever she hears from the expectant family.
On the drive home, we talk about how we really like the family. My husband brings up how hard it will be for this mom to place her baby for adoption if they decide to go this route.
We get home to our son, who just knows he had a play date with his great uncle who is helping us out. He doesn’t know the reason for our meeting. It’s too soon to tell him anything as we have not been picked.
My uncle asks how the meeting went.
We talk about how they are a really nice family, and we can tell they really love the baby.
The people who knew we had the meeting all want to know what happened.
I put them off saying we aren’t giving updates and will share information when we have it, but to stop asking questions, please.
And though I could really see this family becoming an extension of our own family and I see how hard they are working to keep mom and baby healthy and safe, when we pray at night with our son, we pray for “Mommy and Daddy’s new friends that we met a few weeks ago, that they make the decision that is best for them.”
And in my heart, I know God hears my silent prayer that if there is a way she can keep this baby herself and raise this child with support from others, that He makes a way for her.