In our society, you see messages all over social media encouraging moms of all ages to not lose themselves after having a baby. “Don’t Neglect Yourself,” or “Don’t Forget You, Mama!” can be seen written under an advertisement for a home workout plan for new moms.
When I saw those two pink lines on the 100th pregnancy test I had taken at the end of 2023, all the hopes and tears in trying to get pregnant led to a moment of panic with thoughts like I’m going to lose myself now racing through my mind. I spent so many minutes working out, going up and down stairs. So many hours lying in bed trying to sleep away my anxieties about becoming a new mom and losing the Kailee I thought I knew so well.
When my baby girl came into this world, I held her on my chest and felt her heartbeat against mine. Instead of fear or anxiety over things I battled with before her arrival, all I felt was peace. How could I lose myself when I was holding this part of me that I love so deeply?
For the nine months I carried her in my body, I was carrying the part of me that completes me. A connection that is undeniable even now—her tiny soul so intertwined with mine. When she smiles, my heart is alive. When she cries, I feel her frustration as if it were my own.
I may have lost some parts of me that I used to know, but I have gained a love and wholeness in being her mother that replaces all other things that are on hold for now.
This child the Lord has blessed my life with is not entirely mine, though. She is His even more so. Some days, I feel so helpless. Yet I am reminded that I have the help of the Father who cares so deeply for her well-being, more than I ever could.
Someday when she walks away into a new chapter of her life without me, I will struggle. I will want to hold onto this precious daughter of mine and keep her safe. But no matter where she goes and who she becomes, she will be in the protection of her Creator. She will always be mine and always a part of me.
by Lauren Fortenberry 
by Krista Ward 
