My baby is one. So, I guess that hardly qualifies her as a full blown baby anymore since she’s slowly creeping into that toddler stage… but my baby, she’ll always be.

On my other kids’ first birthdays, I thought about their first moms a lot. The moms who loved them first. The ones who gave them a chance at a better life than what they thought they could provide. I love those moms for loving my babies and for their role in making me mom and for so much more than that. I have gotten to know those women. I’ve cried with them and celebrated with them. They are family. Part of my kids’ family and mine. We’ve been lucky enough to celebrate birthdays with them. And on the birthdays that were missed, I was at least able to share pictures and they could send a birthday wish.

But with my last baby? Things are different. On her birthday, I still thought about her first mom. A lot. A woman who I love. She gave my baby life, how could I not?! But I don’t know her. I’ve never met her. A year later, we’re still in a closed adoption. It’s still new territory for us. I keep hoping it’ll change. I know how to do open adoptions. I thought it might be easier. That it would take the emotions out of it. That I could pretend there wasn’t another mom grieving her loss; even if she thought it was for the best. But I was wrong. The emotions are still there. My heart breaks for those that are missing out on the chance to know this sweet girl. And it breaks a little for my girl too. I’m sure someday, when she’s older, she’s going to want to know her story. A story that I don’t know the start to. Even though I don’t know her first mom, I’m sure she is thinking about her baby; my baby. Our baby.

So to my daughter’s other mom…  Let me tell you about our girl. She’s beautiful. She’s full of giggles and smiles. She’s curious and busy and loves playing with her big sister’s toys. She’s quiet. She’s petite, but a good eater. She’s not a fan of frosting, but loves cake. She’s got the cutest little wave. She claps but only one clap at a time. She loves to snuggle and give hugs. She’s happy & healthy and pretty much perfect. She is so loved!

After being part of a closed adoption for a year, I learned that in some ways, it’s not all that different than open adoption… it’s still emotional. It can be difficult. I wonder what it will be like in the future. Whether my kids are part of an open or a closed adoption, I’m going to continue to love them fully and be there for them.

And on that note, it’s time to go snuggle my baby while she’s still a baby…

Alissa Kay

Alissa was born and raised in the Midwest and currently calls Wisconsin home. She's happily married to her college sweetheart and she's living out her dreams of being a stay-at-home mom. Although, let's be real, she's hardly ever home. She's the mom to 3 kids who all came to her via adoption. A boy (8) and 2 girls (6 and almost 4!). The kids keep her plenty busy, but when she has free time she enjoys a night out with friends or curling up with a good book.