To my son with profound autism,

I’m sorry I didn’t try medication sooner.

I’m sorry that I was more concerned with side effects than possibilities.

I’m sorry you lived in an anxious mess of a mind for years because of my pride.

I’m sorry I assumed the worst and how it would affect you.

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I’m sorry I hindered your abilities because of my inability to broaden my horizons.

I’m sorry I limited your communication when medication would have clarified your needs.

I’m sorry I restricted you from your siblings because the aggression, without meds, made you dangerous.

I’m sorry I sighed in resignation and helplessness over the thought of raising you forever when all you needed was a little help.

I’m sorry it took a global pandemic and a total shut down of the world as we knew it to set aside my pride and request something, anything, out of desperation.

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I’m sorry for the years of progress I may have stolen from you because I was sure that medication would do more harm than good.

Son, I’m not suggesting that medication is always the answer or even your long-term solution, but it has enabled your best life right here, right now and for that, I’m thankful.

From this day forward, I vow to be more open-minded.

I vow to continue learning and growing and expanding my ability to consider other possibilities and I vow to assume the best. I vow to never stop fighting for you.

I love you, Lucas Aaron.

Mom 

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page​