To my son with profound autism,
I’m sorry I didn’t try medication sooner.
I’m sorry that I was more concerned with side effects than possibilities.
I’m sorry you lived in an anxious mess of a mind for years because of my pride.
I’m sorry I assumed the worst and how it would affect you.
I’m sorry I hindered your abilities because of my inability to broaden my horizons.
I’m sorry I limited your communication when medication would have clarified your needs.
I’m sorry I restricted you from your siblings because the aggression, without meds, made you dangerous.
I’m sorry I sighed in resignation and helplessness over the thought of raising you forever when all you needed was a little help.
I’m sorry it took a global pandemic and a total shut down of the world as we knew it to set aside my pride and request something, anything, out of desperation.
I’m sorry for the years of progress I may have stolen from you because I was sure that medication would do more harm than good.
Son, I’m not suggesting that medication is always the answer or even your long-term solution, but it has enabled your best life right here, right now and for that, I’m thankful.
From this day forward, I vow to be more open-minded.
I vow to continue learning and growing and expanding my ability to consider other possibilities and I vow to assume the best. I vow to never stop fighting for you.
I love you, Lucas Aaron.