By Charissa Lauren 
My twins will be three months old this weekend, and I just finished making their baby book. It took me this long. Not because I have twins but because I didn’t want to look at the pictures. I didn’t want to remember it.
I didn’t want to remember being admitted on a Sunday with borderline preeclampsia. I didn’t want to remember needing to have them early at 35 weeks. I didn’t want to remember Sophia being taken to the NICU for breathing support and not being able to hold her right away. I didn’t want to remember that scary scale reading four pounds. Those teeny tiny fingers and toes, and my baby wired with tubes.
I didn’t want to remember needing to be sedated through my C-section because I felt it. I was strapped to a table, unable to talk, watching someone else greet my child as she entered the world. I didn’t want to remember not being able to walk or lift myself due to the swelling and abdominal separation. Of all things, I didn’t want to remember being readmitted to the ER just three days after our release, separated from my children and my newborns due to postpartum preeclampsia.
I didn’t even know postpartum preeclampsia was a thing. We are always told the cure for preeclampsia is birth. I didn’t have a headache. I didn’t have blurry vision. I just did what they advised and monitored my blood pressure. When we saw 188/115, we went to the ER.
I was dropped off by my husband, who couldn’t stay with me as he now had to care for four children, including newborn twins, on his own. When I walked into the ER that day, I was shaking. I didn’t know what was happening to my body, I had been released to go home just three days before. They put me in critical care and brought me Last Will papers to sign and a 24-hour magnesium drip to prevent seizures or stroke.
I spent the next 24 hours attached to an IV, not able to leave the bed, with nurses coming in regularly to check my blood pressure. My blood pressure lingered high that week, and it took several trials of medication to stabilize it.
There are many moments I missed during those first two weeks, and I wish every day that my last pregnancy had gone smoother. While there are many moments of those two weeks I wish I’d forget, I know there are many moments in our future I want to remember forever. Having these girls has healed a part of my heart and made my dream of having a big family come true.
From the day we found out we were having twins, we were told of the risks. Low birth weights, prematurity, preeclampsia, IUGR growth restriction. I took baby aspirin twice a day to prevent it, but it got me in the end. They were worth every difficulty I endured to bring them here, and by God’s work, my 35-weekers were nearly perfect, apart from two days in the NICU. I like to think I took the brunt of it all to protect them. They’re absolutely perfect.
Though sometimes things don’t always go picture-perfect, they serve their purpose. This incident, while scary, brought my family and me closer than ever. It showed me how much I love my husband, how much he loves me, and how he will always be the rock of our family. It showed me how much we take for granted in day-to-day life and to always value the people closest to us. Love will always trump fear.
To anyone who has had birth trauma, I’m sorry your first moments with your baby were robbed by a frightening experience. These are moments that should be special. I hope people keep raising awareness on preeclampsia and understand that it’s not just high blood pressure, and it’s not just during pregnancy but postpartum too. It is pre-seizure, pre-stroke, pre-organ failure. Most importantly, advocate for your body. If you feel something is off, it is! If I didn’t monitor myself, things would have been much worse for me.
by Kamrie Smith 
by Danielle Boroian 
by Laurie Davis 
