If you like Her View, you'll love our new book, So God Made a Mother. Pre-Order here ➡️

As my husband and I were walking to our car a few weeks ago, I was struck by a revelation of sorts: I’m very good at remembering names. It just comes naturally. I don’t say this to toot my own horn, although that would be a pretty obscure skill to brag about. I say this because it is reflective of the pattern of thought that has filled my head since I was young.

Whenever I run into someone I have met before, whether in passing or not, and they have forgotten my name, it’s not uncommon to hear, “Sorry, I’m terrible at remembering names.” Without fail, my response is always, “Oh it’s okay, me too.”

Yet, during this walk to the parking lot, I was struck by the fact that I actually am quite good at remembering names. “Abbie,” a coworker from that part-time summer job four years ago? Yep. “Mr. Graham,” that guy we considered renting an apartment from last year? Sure. “Lauren,” my 20-something sister’s softball teammate from middle school? Of course. Like I said, it just comes naturally.

Weeks passed and I didn’t think much of it until we found ourselves back in the same parking lot. I was in the driver’s seat, which is a bit unusual, and we were approaching an open space in an otherwise crowded lot. Now I would classify myself as an average driver. But parking? I fully acknowledge that there’s some room for improvement. It’s a work in progress. 

As I was pulling in, I looked over to my husband and said, “Give me a second. I suck at parking.”  This comment was not said in response to anything he said, or even that I was particularly crooked in the space. In fact, I was doing just fine and it was only my own doubts that prompted me to say this. My dear husband had heard enough. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. Whenever you put yourself down like that, you’re insulting the woman I married. And I kinda like her.” 

Ouch. Never once had it crossed my mind that putting myself down might also be an insult to anyone else.

More importantly, it struck me that tearing myself down was not only an insult to my husband, but also to my Creator. If we take the Bible at its word, we also have to believe Psalm 139:14 when it says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  The quirks and imperfections that make us who we are aren’t there by accident. Even more so, the talents and gifts that He has given us aren’t there for nothing. Rather, we should use those gifts to our advantage and to bring Him glory. Even if it is through something as simple as remembering the name of my cashier at the grocery store.

Christ loves us exactly as we are and highlighting our flaws and downplaying our gifts are a disservice to His talent as a creator. Whether in the name of false modesty, insecurity, or a little bit of both, we end up robbing Him of the credit that He deserves. 

So the next time someone offers you a compliment, I hope that you won’t chalk it up to coincidence. It’s genuinely okay to believe someone when they compliment your parenting skills, tell you that you are a good friend, or say that you deserve that promotion. I hope you won’t put yourself down in order to make others feel better. I hope you realize the weight of your words and how they reflect back on your God, your loved ones, and yourself. 

I hope you know that you deserve better. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Rebecca Horgan

Rebecca Horgan is a Maryland native who is now living in the great state of Virginia. She is the wife of two years to her husband Patrick and is navigating the ups and downs of faith, marriage, and post-grad life. After graduating from college with a Bachelors in Criminal Justice, she began working for a human rights non-profit where she plays a part in both communications and volunteer management. When she’s not writing, she can usually be found with her pup Tucker at the dog park, experimenting with Pinterest recipes in the kitchen, or watching Food Network shows on Netflix.

To the Parents Raising My Child’s Future Spouse

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little boy lying on car seat with puppy, color photo

Oh, hey there friend, you don’t know me yet or maybe you do, but at least for now neither of us know that our children will one day commit their lives to each other and by doing so forever knit our families together. One day, we will all sit in the front aisles of a church filled with scores of people who have influenced our babies, but none like us. No one else in that church will know the intentionality, love, and grace of God that it took to reach that day, but we will. The work you are doing...

Keep Reading

Spanking Made Us Parents We Didn’t Want To Be

In: Faith, Motherhood
Silhouette of mother pointing finger at child

Fourteen years ago when my husband and I were preparing for our first child, we felt we already had several tools in our toolbox. Both of us worked with children and youth, and we felt prepared for parenting. We decided early on that we would never spank unless we were completely out of options.  As our bright, sweet, bubbly firstborn entered the terrible fours (yes, he was a bit delayed in his toddler rebellion), we were surrounded by a community of people who believed in “controlled spanking” with hugs and grace afterward.  RELATED: These 6 Words Transformed Discipline in Our...

Keep Reading

I Was Raised by an Easter-Only Mom and I Want More for My Kids

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and daughter read Bible

Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted, and women tend to look to their upbringing for guidance. We may not even realize we’re doing it! But being a godly mother is even more difficult when you weren’t raised by one. The questions are endless: How do I model forgiveness? How do I set the right priorities for my household? How do I explain baptism to my 6-year-old? Is it okay to have undiscipled friends around my children? Do we have to pray over every meal? Is the occasional swear word acceptable?  These questions may be less intimidating if you were fortunate enough...

Keep Reading

Even When it Feels Like I Can’t, I Keep Going

In: Faith, Motherhood
Tired mom holding toddler

When I feel like I can’t do one more thing. When I am overwhelmed and touched out and lost in the logistics of it all. When my physical and mental energy are depleted. When the length of my to-do list needs more hours than I have. When I am so bone tired that I’m sure I just can’t go on. And there is still more to do. And the only choice is to keep going– I keep going. I dig a little deeper and find strength I didn’t know I had. RELATED: Check on Your “Strong” Friend, She’s Faking it...

Keep Reading

What Happens When She Wants Another Baby and He Does Not?

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Husband and wife, pregnancy photo, color photo

I am on my knees, folded over, with my head resting on the carpet. I am in my closet, which doesn’t see much of the vacuum, and it is the only place I can find to sob out of sight. I feel hollowed out and defeated as if I have run a marathon and was cut short at the finish line. I cry out in prayer, pleading with God to soften the heart of my husband. I desperately want another child, and he desperately does not. I take a deep breath and dry my eyes because my 4-year-old outside the...

Keep Reading

Is Your Marriage on Cruise Control?

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple holding hands in car, above view

Cruising down the road, the highway curled before us like a ribbon into the horizon. Cozy road trips are a staple for my husband and me, and we look forward to the time together. Having been married for 37 years the adventure continues! We have loved each other through the ups and downs, and we have learned a lot about relationships. We also made a point of carefully watching successful relationships and surrounding ourselves with those whose marriages flourished. Nowadays, we have many young couples ask us what it takes to keep a marriage vibrant. One of the key ingredients...

Keep Reading

Ordinary Mornings, Extraordinary Grace

In: Faith
Emily Ley holding Sure as the Sunrise book by water's edge

“From his fullness, we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:16). Today, take note of what brings you gladness. That which gives you pause or causes you to take a deep breath. These are glimpses of God’s goodness in our lives, brought to life through moments and things, memories and sounds. Realizations and hope. In its biggest forms: a moment you wish you could freeze in time, and in its smallest: a sliver of grace, otherwise overlooked. I wake up to the smell of fresh laundry, sheets cool against my skin. One eye open, I peek down at the...

Keep Reading

She Just Needed to be Held

In: Faith, Motherhood
A little girl held by mom, color photo

“She just needed to be held,” I texted my husband after a two-hour battle to get my 3-year-old to bed. She’s been sick. Daddy’s been gone. And she needed to be seen. Held. Loved. And in that split second, I felt God say, “Just like you.” When things are chaotic. When we feel alone. When we feel weary. RELATED: God Sees You, Weary Mama When our spirit feels sick. When it all feels like too much to carry. We need Him. To breathe life into us. To remind us of our worth. To remind us of the hope He offers....

Keep Reading

Church Should Be a Sanctuary for Neurodivergent Kids

In: Faith, Motherhood
Child praying in church pew black and white photo

We still have a lot of work to do when it comes to the acceptance of loud, energetic, and spirited children inside the church. It’s easy to preach (pun intended) acceptance of every individual as God made them, but when a 9-year-old is shouting out, repeatedly during a sermon, or a 6-year-old is jumping from one pew to the next during the prelude, that’s when reality sets in. You hear the elderly man behind you whisper to his wife, “Back in my day, children were seen and not heard, what’s wrong with kids these days?” Then the single, 30-something across...

Keep Reading

Do You Ever Feel Like a Fraud?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Stressed woman side view

Hey, Momma. Do you ever feel like a fraud? Maybe it’s just me. Here I am . . . trying to build a life and career writing about motherhood. Yet, I don’t feel very good at it at all.  When my oldest was born 13 years ago, I decided on my own that we weren’t going to spank or yell.  Then, life changed.  One child turned into six over the course of a decade. And over the years, I’ve failed to keep the commitment I made all those years ago.  RELATED: I’m Not The Mom I Thought I Would Be...

Keep Reading