So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I think it was about the age my son turned 10 there became new boundaries: too big for cuddles, tickling or crawling into my bed anymore, and most of the time even hugs.

I mourned that time hard. I never knew when the last time was. There was no warning. It was just all the sudden we aren’t doing this anymore.

OK, I respect that, I do.

Things are becoming so different now and I am trying to keep up.

But I guess I’m still struggling to find my new place to connect.

My son, you are changing so quickly and I almost don’t even recognize the man you are becoming.

I crave connection with you and try to find some common ground. Yet at the same time, I catch myself rolling my eyes when I’m busy and you want to show me a YouTube video of something I have no clue about and it doesn’t interest me in the least bit.

I mean, I listen as best I can when you talk about all your Xbox games.

I sit idly by when you show me YouTube videos, trying to keep my mind from wandering to the 500 other things I should be doing.

I watch you create computer animations and let you try to teach me techy stuff.

You can go on and on about history and politics, leaving me to believe you are way smarter than I am already. I nod and smile and try to chime in with what I do know.

I think about how you may just be a better person than I am in multiple aspects; maybe you always have been.

RELATED: God Gave Me Sons

Since the day you came into this world, you have been unknowingly teaching me how to become a better person.

You showed me how to be a mother and brought out this nurturing side to me I never thought existed. I cringe thinking about where I’d be without you.

Between you becoming older and now having a new baby sister, we’ve really been struggling to stay close and relate to each other. I already felt the divide before your sister was born but now, we really have to fight it.

You endure a lot without ever saying much about it.

I sense that you would love to sit and talk to me for hours about all the stuff that interests you and show me all the weird things you are into, but instead, I give you a sharp tone and tell you I just wanted quiet time while the baby is napping. All of this weighs heavy on my heart.

And you don’t push. Never. That’s not you.

You go on about your business and I sit with my guilt.

You would never be loud or disrespectful to adults.

I see you.

I know your heart.

You are a tender person.

You are quiet.

You are alone a lot for a teenager.

This introverted, analytical personality of yours has distanced you from a lot of your peers. You are not interested in some things like sports that would typically bond you with other kids your age, but if all this bothers you, you definitely do not let it show.

You completely accept not being in the “in-crowd” and seem completely accepting of who you are, I marvel at that. You have a couple of really close friends and are perfectly content with that.

You are not a risk-taker and you feel best playing it safe in all situations. Sometimes all these things worry me, that you might miss out on opportunities you need to experience.

You struggle to find your place in a very small town with a limited number of classmates, where there are not a lot of options for your interests.

You are definitely wise beyond your years. Your maturity astounds me.

So far you are a much more grounded and obedient teenager than I ever was.

My heart melted the day you walked home from school later than usual and told me you wanted to stay to hold the door open for everyone leaving to get on the buses. This started a new trend for you for the rest of the school year. Leave it to you to find a way to be social and friendly while remaining in the background, like you like to do.

Or the time the neighbor stopped me and said it makes her day that you wave at her every time she drives by on your walk to school. Even though you would never speak up in a crowd and find it uncomfortable to talk to someone you don’t know, you still find an outlet for your kindness.

Then there was the time I was completely overjoyed when you got out your wallet at church to tithe without ever being asked.

Even as I write this, you are outside mowing, leaf blowing, picking up sticks, and filling up your baby sister’s kiddie pool. You said you would “just go ahead and do it all” because you know how tired your dad is when he gets home.

How did you get so nice? How did your heart get so big? What did I do to deserve you?

You wear your heart on your sleeve and this worries me, too. However, we have come such a long way from when your 2nd-grade teacher told me you would cry when you couldn’t get your homework right. You’ve always put so much pressure on yourself.

You have really come into your own, and I just love you so much. You truly have been a godsend for your dad and me. I wish showing you love, attention, and affection were as simple as it used to be. But now affection looks different, more complex, more engaging.

So, I will try my best to understand what is so great about EDM (electronic dance music) and grin and bear it, all in an effort to stay connected to you. Because you deserve it. Because I know how critically important and formative these days are, and honestly, there aren’t many left.

I have to prove to you that you matter, no matter what.

We have reached a point to where you have surpassed me, not only in algebra but also in character. It makes me wonder who is supposed to be teaching who here.

I pray you will continue to hang in there with me while we figure out how to maneuver this time in our lives. And thanks for teaching ME how to be a mom to YOU.

You may also like:

God Gave Me Sons

My Sons Are Exactly What I Never Knew I Needed

Amy Blair

Amy adores her main gig as a stay at home mom to a very wise 15-year-old son and a super spunky 2-year old daughter. As an aspiring author, she loves to write and finds it very cathartic. She is working on her first book now! You might have seen some of her articles on the Today Parenting site, Pregnant Chicken, Filter Free Parents, and of course Her View from Home, you may have even heard her on a podcast here or there. You can expect to find her writing to be light-hearted and humorous, but also heavy and emotional. She is no stranger to writing about the hard stuff. No subject is off-limits, and she often exposes a tremendous amount of vulnerability. On her blog she hopes that sharing her struggles and experience can teach, inspire, entertain, and make others feel not alone. When she is not writing or parenting you can find her planning her next fix of concert therapy since music is her lifeline.

Dear Child, God Sees All of You—And So Do I

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mom and young son painting together

Math has always come easily to him. Even from the beginning stages when we counted wooden blocks on the living room floor, the numbers just came to him. “How many blocks are there?” I asked him, pointing to the scattered row of blocks. I expected him to count them. He was only three or four years old. “Six,” he answered promptly. “Yes . . . but how did you know that?” I asked hesitantly. He had not taken the time necessary to have counted them. “Three and three are six,” he replied. And on it went. The math came easily,...

Keep Reading

Kids Crave Your Time, Not Fancy Things

In: Kids, Motherhood
Dad and daughter with basketball smiling

I have four kids, and like most parents, I’m doing my best to give them a happy childhood, but we’re not really an activity family. Don’t get me wrong, we love a good day trip to the local water park or a night out at the movies, but with several different ages and a tight budget, activities or outings are rare for us. Sometimes I end up feeling bad about it, like our kids are missing out, but then I take a deep breath and realize that some of the best moments come from the simplest of things. Lucky for...

Keep Reading

Dear Kindergarten Graduate—Wherever Life Takes You, I’ll Always Be Your Safe Place To Land

In: Kids, Motherhood

I cried on your first day of kindergarten. Did you know that? I held it together through the getting ready and the goodbyes—but once I had waved one last time and was pulling out of the parking lot, the lump in my throat poured out as hot tears down my cheeks.  How could you be starting kindergarten? You, my precious firstborn baby. We had some growing pains as we adjusted to a new routine. The school days were so long. I spent my days missing you and you spent yours missing me. We were apart from each other more than...

Keep Reading

The Secret to Slowing Down Time Is to Notice the Moments You’re Living In

In: Kids, Motherhood

Dear current self, You’ve heard a lot of mothers admonish you to slow down and enjoy every moment with your children. They’ve warned you with phrases like “before you know it,”  “in the blink of an eye,” and other cliché’s that haven’t really hit you, but they will. Soon, they will. I am writing you now because I’ve seen you trying to wrap your mind around the how-to—as if holding time in your hand is a skill anyone has successfully mastered. I’ll save you the suspense. It can’t be done. It is inevitable. Your kids are going to grow up....

Keep Reading

You Don’t Have to Celebrate a Holiday Just Because It’s On the Calendar

In: Kids, Living

I switched on the computer, adjusted my chair, then quickly swiveled back around again toward my husband, “Are you sure? You don’t mind?” “Me?” he made a swift waving motion as if swatting a fly. “Psht. Yeah, I’m fine with it. You?” He lifted his head and locked our eyes a little more securely, “Are you sure?” “Yes,” I said firmly, without hesitation. “OK, good,” my man turned back to his phone, “Love you.” “Good,” I confirmed. A rush of relief swept through me as muscles I didn’t even know were tense suddenly relaxed. A bubbling surge of energy had...

Keep Reading

I’m Raising Wild Boys

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young boy and toddler smiling at each other, color photo

Yesterday my boys (two and eight) were playing outside in our cul-de-sac—running, yelling, tackling each other . . . all the normal stuff. One of the neighbor moms was out as well, looking on as her son joined the fray.  “I need to send him over to your house for a week or two,” she joked, “so he can get more in touch with his boyness.”  “No, you don’t want to do that. My boys are wild things,” I quickly replied. And I wasn’t joking. My sons are rough, tough, primal beings.  Moments before this conversation, my oldest was ramming...

Keep Reading

A Big Move Brings Big Emotions For Little Kids—Here’s How to Help Them Cope

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood

It doesn’t matter how outgoing or funny or charismatic your kids might be, the possibility of uprooting their little lives and relocating to a new city is terrifying for any parent. Add a global pandemic into the mix, and it’s an idea that feels almost insurmountable.  But when my husband got a job offer we couldn’t refuse, we packed up the car and drove our two kids (eight and four) west from Pennsylvania to the great state of Arizona. The decision weighed heavily on me, and I wasn’t prepared for the avalanche of mom guilt that followed. But as I’ve...

Keep Reading

My Kids May Never Be Professional Athletes, But They’ll Be Strong, Confident Adults Because of Youth Sports

In: Kids, Motherhood
Tween boy playing hockey, color photo

I have pivoted 180 degrees over the last few years on one major bone of contention in our household of four, which includes two sporty kids who love ice hockey and baseball: the rationale behind our, in my opinion, excessive expenditure of resources on our sons’ youth sports careers, and whether this makes any sense.  Neither of them is NHL or MLB bound. Or at least the chances, statistically, are extremely minuscule. And yet, we have directed an inordinate amount of our life savings as well as our precious time to not only club sports, but also private lessons, to...

Keep Reading

Food Allergies Won’t Stop Her—How My Daughter Is Teaching Me to Be Brave

In: Kids, Motherhood

Dear daughter, I know sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever do normal things without me hovering over you. Double and triple-checking your snack labels and drilling you about whether your allergy meds are packed and ready. It’s a lot for you to carry, physically and emotionally. But you’re so strong, sweet girl. Flexible, too. You can do this because you were built for it. And someday, someday, you’ll see it: that this story is yours because you carry it with grace. You don’t complain much, and when you do, you follow it up with a wise comment, saying this sort...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love Is an Endless Pursuit

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Child on bike, color photo

I look at him and my heart breaks into a million little pieces. It simply hurts too much to know he hurts. He is my heart, and it squeezes and revolts when he struggles. I want to close my eyes and hold him close, and when I resurface, I want the world to be different for him. Look different, smell different, taste different. But, it remains the same, this pain.   In the beginning, when he was in my womb, I held my hands on my stomach and his tiny feet kicked me back. His bodily imprint on my skin. He...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids


Proven techniques to build REAL connections