Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

It happened again. Took 15 months this time. But I found myself in the same spot I said I’d never be in. Lost, drowning, on the brink of a mental breakdownhowever you want to put it.

I was gone in motherhood.

With the diapers piling up around me, I was getting mad at my husband for nothing, screaming at my oldest son, crying along with the babies, and in a fog.

RELATED: To the Woman Who’s Lost Herself in Motherhood

I couldn’t do anythingliterallyI couldn’t even pee without hearing a demand. When my children were quiet, my house billowed with the chores left undone. 

I swore I wouldn’t lose myself this time. I would do everything in my power to hold onto the identity it took me three years after he was born to find. I would stay organized this time and allow self-care to happen. I’d still be “Patty.”

But she seemed to have slipped away. She got lost in the shuffle. I guess that’s what happens when your sole purpose is caring for other people. 

So here I am lost.

Lost but trying. Lost but realizing the directions don’t make sense. Lost but not giving up.

RELATED: I Fear I’ve Lost Myself To Motherhood

Because she’s there, Patty, not mommy. She didn’t go away after her first; she was just missing. She was found again. She’ll be found this time. In those piles of diapers, in the fights with her husband, in the guilt that comes as she hears herself scream, in the tears that fall down her face, and in that fog. 

So, if you find yourself lost remember you can be found.

You’re not gone just missing.

Although “mommy” is so overbearing, so tiring, and so taxing, you’re the best mommy to them. Those humans you love so much.

Feeling lost doesn’t make you a bad mom it makes you a person. You’re gonna be found again, mama. It just takes time. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Patricia Murphy

Patricia Murphy resides in New York. She and her husband have two children, one living and one angel. She is a senior studying English at SUNY Old Westbury. She hopes, through writing, she is able to help her fellow mamas smile and find hope.

You Don’t Have to Lose Yourself to Be a Good Mom

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman brushing wet hair

There is nothing wrong with losing yourself in motherhood. Diving in head first, serving your kids and spouse endlessly, never asking for a break, being proud for providing an amazing childhood for your kids, and allowing mom to become your entire identity. But what if you don’t want that?  When did this become the standard of motherhood we are all expected to achieve? Why does society say the best mom is the one that’s 110% physically and emotionally available for her kids all the time and never does anything for herself? Why are you less of a mom if you...

Keep Reading

Stop Feeling Guilty About Making Time For Yourself

In: Motherhood
Woman with coffee cup

You are the mom.  You likely look after the schedule.  You organize all of the things for your household.  You are a big piece of keeping a family going.  But . . . it’s not just the managing. It’s the healing.  RELATED: I Am the Keeper You likely work hard to keep the family emotionally and physically healthy.  You bandage boo boo’s and you comfort hard days.  You’re a listening ear and a problem solver.  Needless to say, your plate is full.  Overflowing, in fact.  Time can rush by so quickly, consumed with life, and having a family, that you...

Keep Reading

You Don’t Always Have to Put Yourself Last

In: Motherhood
Shirt, leggings, socks, and other items, color photo

“I’ve had it,” I tell myself. “I’m tired of putting myself last.”  Like countless other mothers, and out of love and responsibility, I take care of the other people in my family more often than myself. My brain is overloaded with information to indefinitely retain, seemingly insignificant details that keep our household running and happy (usually). These pieces of information could span from where the remote is hiding, to how much cash the tooth fairy should get. Such minutiae may seem superficial, but they are the foundations of routine, structure, and sanity in our house.  Yet they weigh heavy on...

Keep Reading