Ever since I was a little girl, I have always imagined having a daughter of my own. All of my baby dolls were girls, and I would think about how fun it would be to have a little girl to dress up, share secrets, teach to bake, take on shopping sprees, fix her hair and have a built-in best friend for life.
Yet from the very beginning of my pregnancy, I have been drawn to everything about little boys. Whether it was nursery themes, names, clothes, etc., I found myself thinking about everything for a boy first, and then taking into consideration that Baby B could be a girl. It was like some weird, motherly intuition knew we were going to have a boy. And according to the Chinese calendar and the old wives’ tale of dangling Brett’s wedding ring over my belly, we are having a boy. It was all very scientific.
As we headed to our ultrasound, butterflies filled my stomach with the anticipation of seeing our little one for the first time in 14 weeks. At that point, it didn’t matter to me whether the baby was a boy or girl. I just wanted to know that everything looked healthy and on track.
I’m not normally a happy crier, but as soon as the image of our baby flickered on the screen in front of me, I felt an enormous wave of emotion washing over me. Relief that, yes, there really is a baby in there, but mainly pure joy of seeing this tiny, precious baby wiggling around. So much so that our doctor repeatedly asked him to stop squirming. It was pretty adorable.
I didn’t think it could get any better than seeing his little face for the first time, but when our doctor announced that it was a boy, a smile was plastered all over my face. And it continued to get better as she examined his organs, took measurements and determined that everything looked normal.
I thought I would be a little disappointed if we found out we were having a boy. But I wasn’t. If anything, I’m more ecstatic knowing we are going to have a son because it makes this whole experience more realistic and tangible. I have images of his little face, and I can only imagine what he will be like when he enters this world.
There are moments here and there where I see an adorable baby girl outfit that I would love to snatch up, or when I begin thinking about how rambunctious little boys can be, that I begin to wonder if I’m cut out to be a boy mom. But then I remember that God not only gave us this little miracle, but that we were meant to be this little guy’s parents. And I would never want to change anything about that.