No mom wants to drive her three-month-old baby to the Emergency Room. No mom wants to sit next to him on an emergency plane ride to a bigger hospital. No mom wants to be separated from him while he is in surgery. No one wants to be unable to hold her baby because of the stitches and tubes. No mom wants to leave behind her other child.
Until this time I had it all under control. With our two-year old and the first three months of our son’s life, I was in charge. I had it all together. Anything less would have been weakness in my mind.
And then our son had to have emergency surgery at 3 ½ months. The ER failed to diagnose him and sent us home. But we knew something was wrong and returned. The delay meant it couldn’t be fixed easily and he needed surgery at a hospital three hours away.
While driving him back to the ER, I told God He couldn’t take my little baby. I hadn’t had enough time with him. I barely knew him.
And then it hit me. I didn’t have control. It wasn’t up to me whether I got more time with my little boy or if God wanted to take him home.
In realizing I didn’t have control, I didn’t find the weakness I thought I would find. I found unimaginable strength. I found hope. I found Jesus.
As moms we have to seem like we have it all together. So much is riding on whether or not we do. Anything less would be weakness in our minds. We all have a deep need for control and power in our lives. But there is so much in our lives we cannot control. And that’s when we need to know that although we do not have control, He does.
I am writing this to give hope to all moms. Those with happy, healthy little ones and those with sick ones. Those who will have lots of time with their children, and those who may lose them soon. While we do not have control over how much time we have with them, we can trust His timing is perfect.
Realizing I needed to give my mothering to God took a huge and scary event. I realized I needed to hand everything over to Him. Every cold. Every meltdown. Every decision. Every day.
I will admit I am still prone to worrying. It is hard not to worry when we have so much influence on the lives of our children and we want desperately to do well at mothering. God understands this desire and He has equipped us with everything we need to mother the children He blessed us with. We can let go of our need for control, and live in strength knowing He has everything under His control.
Our time with our kids is fleeting. Our relationship with them is eternal, and so is His love for us.
What parts of your parenting do you need to give to God? What areas are you prone to worry? Can you take that leap to hand everything over to Him?
I am happy to say that our little boy is now a lively, strong-willed, loving, sweet, and joyous 3 ½-year-old.