What We Need, Want and Get: How To Prepare Our Kids For The Holiday Gift Season

The first Toys R’ Us Christmas catalog arrived in our mailbox yesterday. Yes, seriously. The “most wonderful time of the year” has officially arrived before Halloween. 

But true to my holiday loving mommy self, I grabbed a pen and called my four year old twins, Sadie and Patrick, into the kitchen. I handed the pen to Patrick with quick instructions to circle gifts for his list and letter to Santa. 

Patrick studied the magazine like a med student studies his first cadaver, carefully choosing 10 or 11 toys he would truly love to call his own. Sadie glued herself to Patrick’s back the entire time, with wide blue eyes lasered focused on every single page. 

When her turn finally came (and by finally I mean 8 minutes after Patrick started) she circled  www.he EVERY. SINGLE. TOY.

When I asked her why, she simply said “I want them all.”

“I want” must be the most overused phrase in the average preschooler’s vocabulary. In the last 12 minutes, my kids have “wanted”: markers, popcorn, gummies, water, Peppa Pig figurines, “just one” piece of candy, my phone, toilet paper, two hugs and “the red dinosaur with the small arms.”

But all the “wanting” in the world did not fully prepare me for the massive toy circling. And how exactly do you tell a four year old that she is acting straight up greedy? And how do you handle the gimmies going forward?

After some reflection, I came up with a 7 part plan of action:

1. Set expectations early. I made a HUGE mistake by handing Sadie and Patrick a toy-filled magazine and a pen. I should have said something along the lines of “choose 5 or 6 toys that you would love to receive.”  We could have worked on counting, making meaningful choices and weighing options. Hindsight is 20-20, right?!
2. Talk about those in need and make a plan for how you can help them. Immediately after this all went down, I sat with Sadie and told her how many kids there are in the world who receive only one present on Christmas, or none at all. She was shocked. ONE present? NO presents? Luckily she didn’t ask me why Santa missed their homes-I didn’t have an answer for that one in my back pocket. Instead, she immediately asked if she could buy a present for a little girl with no presents. Belief in (her) humanity was restored! 
3. Be aware of how many “extras” consistently enter the house. I am very guilty of grabbing random little gifts for my kids. Wegmans trips usually end with a Shopkin and convenience store stops almost always include a special snack. In my mind, it is “just a dollar.”  For them, it is a pattern almost justifying the expectation that leaving the house = new stuff. After today, I plan to set clearer boundaries about what we need, what we want and what we get.
4. Aim for earning rather than just receiving. Yes, I know my kids are young. But they are definitely not too young to clean up their toys, ask to be excused from the dinner table, brush their teeth, put their clothes in the laundry basket and fill up our pup’s water bowl. Plus they know that money is valuable! My husband and I are planning to offer $4 allowances each week for a few simple tasks. That way when Sadie and Patrick “want” something I can ask “how much money do you have?” 
5. Sign up for a service project. The older our kids get, the more they can do for those in need. A quick Google search offered me at least a dozen 4-year-old-friendly opportunities, from delivering meals to the elderly to cleaning up a local park or beach. 
6. Talk about what you are grateful for every night. Before bedtime, we spend a few minutes talking about the high points of our day. Now I plan to follow that up with a reminder to be thankful.
7. Involve your littles in the gift buying and giving process. Truth time: giving is actually more fun than receiving (unless of course I am receiving the exact handbag I’ve coveted since 2011). It is exciting and emotionally fulfilling to see someone you love light up as the wrapping comes off your gift. This year I’m planning a brainstorming session for the people on our gift list. I think I’ll let Sadie and Patrick do the wrapping too!

Today was a big lesson day in the Riepl house. I am actually grateful to Toys R’ Us for sending out that catalog SO early. Now I have a good two months to slay any green little greedy monsters trying to take up residence in my kid’s heads. I have no expectations of perfection, but I know we can do better with this plan of attack.

If you have any other great tips, I would love to hear them and share them!