Walking back to my room from class the other day I stepped over a “Rollie Pollie” and had the sudden urge to bend down and play with it like I used to as a kid. I felt angry when I realized that I can no longer plop down on the side walk and play with bugs… Weird, I know. Then I started to think of the other things that only children can do; go outside and create an entire new world with their imagination, eat whatever they want, fall asleep in their parents’ bed, remain blind to the vastness of the world around them. As I prepare to graduate from college, all of these blessings are things I will never experience again.
Instead of wondering which snack I’ll have on the ride home from school I spend my days searching for apartments and jobs come May when I no longer haste the comfort of campus housing and daily classes. Yes, I consider campus housing and class a comfort. Mostly, because they mean routine and certainty, but graduation brings fear and the unknown. I don’t know where I will be living, what kind of job (if any) I will find, or what my future holds.
I make endless revisions to my resumé hoping that if I get it just right I will land a great position with a company or organization that I love. I never thought being a “grown up” would be easy, or necessarily fun for that matter, but I did think it would be less scary. I have spent the past 17 years of my life in school with a routine. After graduating, my comfortable routine will disappear.
So many people have told me that college is the transition period for kids to become adults. I still don’t feel like I have gone through that transition. After late nights and venting sessions with my roommates, I know that I’m not the only one with these fears and concerns. We have spent the past four years sheltered by the boundaries of this campus. I have learned so much, yet I don’t feel prepared to be out on my own. I am by no means saying that I want to stay in college forever, truthfully I have been ready to leave since they day I got here; It’s like high school- Part 2.
What I do want is answers. But I’m afraid I won’t be finding those anytime soon. In the mean time, I’ll continue to update my resumé, search for apartments, and scavenge the job listings wondering to myself “when did I become a grown up?”, knowing fully well that I still haven’t.
Photo Credit: “https://www.flickr.com/photos/alachia/4683269923/”>alachia</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>