By Dawn Wallis 
After over two decades of fighting for my marriage, it ended in divorce two weeks before Christmas. At the time, my children, who were 19, 17, and 16 years old, decided to block me and my side of the family from their lives. Anyone who has endured estrangement knows the unimaginable heartache it brings to a mother’s heart. Every holiday becomes a valley you are just trying to slog through, and memories of Christmases past become like poisoned-tipped arrows that pierce the heart.
The first Christmas after my divorce, I spent it alone. My only comfort was knowing that God was with me, that He knew the truth, and that His strength would carry me through. In the holidays since,, I have learned five practical ways to prevent sorrow from sapping the season of all its cheer.
Remember the First Family
We cannot forget that dysfunction has been a part of the family since almost the beginning of creation. If the first pair of siblings had a falling out over jealousy, which led to the death of one of them, why do we believe the lie that we should have a perfect family? There was even a point in time when Jesus’ family rejected him (John 7:5, Mark 3:21). It’s important to keep in mind that throughout the Bible, families are depicted as messy and complex—just like mine, just like yours.
Stay Away from Social Media
Scrolling through photos of families celebrating together with matching outfits, wide smiles, and beloved traditions can be an emotional landmine. It’s better to protect your heart than to subject it to pain and sorrow over broken family relationships. Take a sabbatical from social media during any season that pricks your heart with sorrow. Time away is one of the healthiest decisions you can make to avoid the joy-killing trap of comparison.
Start New Traditions
Gather a group of friends and head out for a day trip that includes a meal and going to see a Christmas play or concert. If local neighborhoods are filled with glistening lights, blow-mold characters, and 10-foot-tall inflatable snowmen, hit the road with friends for a self-guided tacky light tour. In keeping with the tradition of giving, find a charity, such as the Salvation Army or the Angel Tree, and go shopping for a child in need. While you’re picking out items, pray for that child and for their family.
Decorate Your Space
Put up a small tree in a corner of your room, office, apartment, or home. Even if you have to buy new ornaments and lights, keeping with the tradition of decorating can be comforting. If nothing else, turning on the tree lights will brighten a room and can awaken a sense of childlike wonder, even in the midst of sorrow. Shopping for a festive table runner, placemats, or dish towels can also help add a touch of cozy cheer to your home. Adding a poinsettia or an amaryllis bulb brings a hint of nature inside, which can be healing.
Focus on the Reason for the Season
During my first holiday of being single again, my church handed out a small paperback Advent devotional. As I read it each morning, it kept my mind focused on the gift of Jesus. A quick search yields results of many insightful Advent devotionals to help guide you through the season. Be intentional about church attendance. When we’re hurting, we tend to withdraw. But the worst thing you can do during the holidays is choose to go it alone. If you’re not a Sunday morning regular, attending a candlelight Christmas Eve service is a meaningful way to focus on the hope found in Jesus.
During what’s been dubbed as “the most wonderful time of the year,” give yourself grace to grieve and don’t stuff your feelings. When you need to cry, cry. If you find yourself unable to work past the feelings of despair, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed Christian counselor to help you process and heal. When we intentionally choose to rejoice and reframe the season, in spite of having a fractured family, our hearts will experience the very redemption and hope that the holiday is all about.
by Leslie Deane-Mountjoy 
by Candice Haga 
by Jennifer Bailey 
