I never imagined myself 33 and single. But here I am. When I met my husband, I was getting ready to graduate college, Facebook was for college students only, there were no apps on my phone, and I still used a disposable camera and then scanned photos to post to my Facebook wall. Today is a much different life. There are thousands of resources at my fingertips to save money, edit a photo, and yes find a soulmate. Dating websites are nothing new. Eharmony.com and Match.com have been around for over a decade. I am sure you have heard about Tinder with its famous swipe left or right. But have you heard of OkCupid, Bumble, Zoosk, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge, Tastebuds, Happn, Plenty of Fish, yeah me either. There is a dating site for the over 50 crowd, the Christian, the farmer, the single parent, the quick hook up, and on and on it goes. Online Dating Magazine estimates that there are approximately 2,500 online dating sites in the United States. I know men and women who have been on them. Some have found love. Real love with a family and everything. Some have been burned and burned out by the process. 

Here is why you won’t find me on a dating site. 

I am old fashioned

Yes, I admit it. I am. I know someone who was on Bumble and she said she was talking to a couple guys. I thought that meant she was talking on the phone, hearing their voices, having conversations with them. No. Talking meant texting and messaging through the apps. I heard someone say that if someone actually calls, you wonder what is wrong with them. This is how society communicates with each other now. No more letters, no more phone calls, no more little hand written notes. Dating in 2017 is no different. I would rather have someone pick up the phone to hear my voice. But a text to say I am thinking of you is nice too, I guess. 

I don’t know how to play the game

There has always been rules in dating. Books have even been written about how to succeed in dating. I didn’t follow them when I met my former husband and I am sure I would break every one of them now. I don’t know the correct timing in responding to a phone call or a text, the correct words to say, how to flirt, how to turn someone down, how to be sweet and quiet. I am an outspoken, bold, too honest of a person to try to hide who I really am. And I don’t want to pretend to be someone I am not. Dating apps show the best qualities, best photos, and best parts about a person. Well I think my loud personality is one of the best things about me. 

I might be on there for the wrong reason

I am lonely. Lonely for attention, for physical contact, for a deep connection, for love. The instant gratification I would receive from swipes and likes are not the real reason I want to find someone. My ego is badly bruised. My confidence has taken a beating. What I would get right away would help soothe these hurts. It would make me feel special. It would make me feel like someone wants me. But for only a moment. It could very easily become addictive. The attention. The interest. Plus, the addiction could be hard to stop. Never happy with what I have so I continue to seek out more. The whole, it is greener on the other side, mind set. I don’t want to get sucked into that pattern. I want more than that. I am more than that. 

I am not sophisticated

This goes back to the game. Play hard to get. Make them wait. Don’t kiss them. Don’t text them. Don’t call them. Sleep with them. Don’t sleep with them. Say the right words. Act cool. Don’t talk about the kids. Don’t talk about Jesus. Don’t drink to much when you are with them. Smile but not too much. Laugh but not too loud. I pretty much do my own thing. It’s just who I am. I act on my feelings quite a lot in my life. I show my feelings quite a lot in my life. And honestly, I know I am scared. I could get hurt. I could like someone and they don’t like me. Or vise versa. I wouldn’t want to hurt feelings. I would fumble at everything dating apps require. And I know not every man I am interested in will be as kind to me like the first one after my marriage was. I am still healing. I want someone who can help me heal, not hinder it. Plus, I wouldn’t know what to do with a crouch shot sent to me. 


Now, I know most single adults today are or have been on a dating site. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being on one. If it is right for you, great. It is a great way to meet other people. They just aren’t for me. I know this limits me from meeting more single men. I guess my choices to meet someone are smaller. And right now, I am okay with that. I am doing what feels comfortable to me. Yes, I know. Katie, get out of your comfort zone! Do something different! You will never meet him then! 

Who knows. Maybe I will try it. But not right now. Not today. 

Katie Weber

A momma of 2 young boys whose days are filled with wrestling, running, and noise. A Nebraska native with a love of coffee, the Lord, music, a good romance novel, movies, and dessert. Just trying to figure out single motherhood, to navigate divorce and co-parenting, to live and thrive with depression and anxiety, all the while finding the lovely in this life. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark.