Is your life spinning out of control faster than you can handle?
That’s how I have felt lately.
If you follow my blog, I blogged recently on a big change in my life- my family life.
Two months ago, my dad came out to the world as homosexual and then a few weeks later shared he has been in a relationship for the last (almost) year.
These are a few of the feelings that have been over me lately.
Life is a constant battle of up and downs. I have definitely been in the valley lately.
As someone who has been through a lot of battles, I thought I was strong enough to handle this appropriately.
I turned back to food and went into a bit of a depression. Something I have worked so hard to fight the last 3 years, came back to me as if I had never overcome it.
When I needed people the most, I feel like they left. Because who knows what to say to a girl who just found out their dad is in love with a man?
I felt so alone.
Some days I still do.
I even got desperate one day, I did a google search hoping to find someone else who was in the same situation. With so many bloggers now a days and easy access to internet posting, I thought surely someone else has blogged or spoke out about this topic before. Surely I’m not the only one who is having this happen to them and not agreeing with it. If you do a google search for anything about this, often it’s stories on children growing up in a homosexual home. Those who only have one homosexual parent, that have written about their experiences, they all talk about how to cope with it and to celebrate them–something I am openly against.
In that moment, I felt even more alone and hopeless. Not even google can give me any resources to read to let me know I’m not alone?!
But when you have something so life changing happen to you, you start to question everything else around you.
I questioned a lot of things. Including my faith. Not necessarily turning away but questioning a lot of the things I believed because for the first time they were being contradicted by those around me, especially those I trusted and looked to for guidance.
Some days it’s easier to doubt than to trust in something you tangibly can’t see.
Until God yet again reminds you he is very much alive and fighting on your behalf. In the midst of this trial, in the darkest moments, I have had a constant small voice continue to whisper a gentle reminder that I am not alone. In my times of doubting, he has showed me he is still there. When I felt betrayed, he reminded me that as my heavenly father he will never leave nor forsake me. God has made his word more clear to me, that despite this time of chaos and pain, he’s using this as part of my story. Just like the rest of my story, he will one day use this for His glory.
I don’t know where you are in life today but I just want you to know you aren’t alone. Even if the world may make you think otherwise. I’m speaking to myself just as much, I need a minute by minute reminder! It’s easy to let this world consume you and feel beat down.
No matter whats going, remember you have a heavenly father who will never leave you, even if you earthly father has left you broken.