Faith Grief

Forever In Our Hearts

Forever In Our Hearts www.herviewfromhome.com
Written by Missy Hillmer

I really do believe God has a plan. I know it’s way bigger than any of us can imagine. But that is also why it’s so hard to understand and TRUST. You see it’s easy to TRUST God when life appears to be going good. Many times we have gone through hard situations. We are on the up hill path and getting back to the “normal”…a word I really dislike. There is nothing “normal” about my life now compared to 23 months ago. The normal I once knew has been changed forever. Change is not easy…that I do understand. My family is still going through changes since we lost our son in August of 2013.

We are getting close to that 2 year mark. Two years how can it almost be 2 years since that terrible night. But in the same sentence, it’s only 2 years? It seems still so long till we  see him again. It is getting to that point where people talk about him less.  Or maybe they don’t know what we will do if they bring his name up. Some days it makes me want to scream. How could we forget our child, our son, a brother, and grandson? It’s not possible for us. Yes, we want to talk about him! He was in our life for 15 years. He was a best friend to his sister who cries and misses him terribly till this day. He was the middle brother to my oldest, who wishes he could have his brother by his side working on his derby car. Yes, we miss him! Yes, we want to talk about him. Yes, we may cry. Please don’t forget him or stop talking about him. It’s easy to see how others do go back to their normal life. The pain they had is less. They are not the ones who lived with him. Who now wake up and have one less mouth to feed, one less person to hug, say good night, and “I Love You” to.

Does it get easier? I wish I could say yes, but I would have to say NO! I still have an ache in my heart.  I still miss him like it was yesterday that the accident happened. My husband says for him it is harder. He would do anything for Tyler to be back here with him right now. I do hope as time goes on we learn to adjust. I do know I will never forget him. I will always have that smile of his embedded in my memory. The hardest part as a parent is feeling so helpless when you see your other children cry. I just wish I could kiss it, put a band-aid on it and make it all better. Just like I did when they were little. Unfortunately it’s not that easy.

I guess that is when we need to pray more and TRUST God. Believe with all our being that He really is way bigger than all of us.  He places things in our path for a reason not by coincidence. He has a plan to do great things if we just listen and follow. I always think of this bible verse, “Here on earth you will find many trials & sorrows. But take heart, because I have over come the world.”

John 16:33

 

About the author

Missy Hillmer

My name is Missy Hillmer. I’m married, live in a small town named Palmer, NE and have 3 children. Jake is our oldest who is 19 years old and Gracie is 11 who lives here with us. Tyler which was 15 years on August 20, 2013 is now in Heaven. He was killed in a car accident just 3 short days after his 15th birthday.

I am very honest, very real sometimes to the point of not being fun, I guess that’s because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to look at the positive in every situation. I really believe there are two ways to look at things. Look for the bad or the good. The “bad” does me no justice and can spiral out of control in a heartbeat. The “good” however gives me hope and it connects with my belief that God is with me through everything.

I believe my faith has gotten me through life and especially since my son’s accident. I pray a lot more, watch for the signs that God gives me, listen to my inner gut feeling, as my husband calls it and really focus on living a simple life. Family means everything to me, I love to laugh and think it’s the best medicine for any problem. Music soothes my sole and being outside in the sun brings me great joy!

I have learned that many times you cannot control the storm in your life but, you can learn to dance in the rain. I really mean it when I say DANCE in the RAIN! The summer before Tyler’s accident, Tyler, Gracie & I danced in the rain. This memory I will never forget!

Since Tyler’s accident I am passionate about telling my story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person.

1 Comment

  • What you have written is very accurate. It does not get easier you just get more used to it. We have two girls awaiting us in heaven as the result of a car accident in 2007. I too have felt the desire to kiss it and make it all better for the other kids in the family. Sometimes I feel so broken to bits that I can’t see how I will get to tomorrow and yet I do.
    One of my favorite Bible verses that I contemplate often is Romans 5:3-4 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
    Hope to you and yours. Thanks for writing.