I was not a big follower of the “what to expect when…” genre of books on motherhood.

(Now: if you are or were a follower, that is 100% fine and please don’t bail on me quite yet.)

It’s just that those books lost me when they talked about how once or twice during nine months of pregnancy, an expectant mom could “splurge” and have a scoop of frozen yogurt with a drizzle of fat-free chocolate syrup. Splurge. Because, hello, I was the kind of mom-under-construction who was having two scoops of premium triple-chocolate with full-on hot fudge sauce at least once a week, thank you very much.

No, I was really looking for a different kind of parenting book. What to Expect When You’re Expecting Something That Will Change Your Life Forever and Turn You Into an Utterly Different Human Being, maybe?

Which would actually be a very short book, because no one can tell a new mom-to-be what motherhood will be like. And even if they tried, that mom-in-waiting wouldn’t believe it. 

Maybe it’s because my oldest is getting ready for her senior year and I’m feeling all nostalgic and sappy and introspective, but I realized the other day that there was a lot I didn’t know in my Days B.C. (Before Children). For instance…

1. I didn’t know how much the personality and character of a child can change the atmosphere of your home so that when they’re gone, the place just doesn’t feel right. This hit me about an hour after my older daughter went to camp.

2. I didn’t know that when something bad happens to your child, it hurts so much more than anything bad that ever happened to you.

3. I didn’t know that when something wonderful happens to your child, it makes you happier than any wonderful thing that ever happened to you.

4. I didn’t know that two of the most-feared phrases I could ever hear would be: 1)”Yup, that’s lice” and 2)”Mom, I need help with this science project.”

5. I didn’t know that not every parenting decision boils down to one “right” choice and one choice that will RUIN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE. I didn’t know that most choices are not about perfect forever but about best at the time.

6. I didn’t know nothing would amp up my prayer life like becoming a parent. Had I ever actually prayed before I had children? And now that I do have them (and, in particular, now that they are t(w)eens), do I ever actually stop praying? “Please God, please God, please God…”

7. I didn’t know that becoming a mom would take me places in my heart and soul I’d never been to before. Places I probably wouldn’t have gone otherwise. Places I needed to go.

8. I didn’t know that moms are only as content as their least-contented child.

9. I didn’t know how much power I would have. That by the look on my face or the tone of my voice, I could make or break a morning or a moment or a day or a family vacation or a potential crisis or a holiday or anything else that could be turned into a memory. I didn’t know I wouldn’t always want this much power but that, if used wisely even when I didn’t feel like using it wisely, it could be one of my highest callings and honors.

10. I didn’t know how much I didn’t know. And no book or other mom could have told me. Again, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. And I probably wouldn’t have wanted to know about some of it.

But here’s the thing: neither can anyone tell you–neither can you believe–how much you don’t know about how incredible it can be. How it can change your life forever, and how you’ll be so grateful it did.

Oh, and one more thing: if anyone knows of some sort of “What To Expect When Your Child Is About to Become a High School Senior and You Have No Idea What You’re Doing” reference guide, let me know about it.

But only if the first paragraph is something along the lines of, “Welcome to your child’s senior year. Go make yourself a hot fudge sundae and don’t skimp on the whipped cream, mama, because you deserve it.”

************
What do you know now that you didn’t know before you became a mom? Please share. Don’t leave me alone in my confessions of ignorance here. Thanks, mama.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Elizabeth Spencer

Elizabeth Spencer is mom to two daughters (one teen and one young adult) who regularly dispense love, affection, and brutally honest fashion advice. She writes about faith, food, and family (with some occasional funny thrown in) at Guilty Chocoholic Mama and avoids working on her 100-year-old farmhouse by spending time on Facebook and Twitter.

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 Years

In: Humor, Relationships
How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 years www.herviewfromhome.com

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. We got married back in 2008 following my college graduation. I was only 22 at the time and him? Well, he was all good-looking at the prime age of 30. There were may vocal skeptics who chimed in, unasked of course, to share with us their belief that we would “never last” and that it would “never work”. To them, I say, “You were wrong! Na-na, na-na, boo-boo!” Just kidding, of course; I don’t talk like that. I am a respectable mother, not a four-year-old child and thank goodness...

Keep Reading

How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps

In: Humor, Kids
How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps www.herviewfromhome.com

It was time. It had to happen. We’d had a good run at pouring our children into bed at 11:30 p.m., sweaty, sticky, and exhausted from their head to their toes.  But bedtime had to get back to its (somewhat) regularly scheduled program.  When we had one kid, bedtime was a breeze.  Each night, we had a 10 step process. And the steps were simple. And very, very routine. 1. Toys away at 7:10 p.m. 2. Up the stairs at 7:15 p.m. 3. Change into pajamas 4. Brush teeth 5. Read two books 6. Say prayers 7. Light off 8....

Keep Reading

Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season www.herviewfromhome.com

Your husband has a mere headache, but he automatically now believes that he is going to be a chronic sufferer of cluster migraines. Or, maybe he got a small splinter, but he now believes that he is, without probability, going to end up with a staph infection. And, well, that cough of his (cough, cough) is going to have him laid up in bed for the next two days because he is just feeling so terrible. Sound familiar? It is all too familiar to me. What am I talking about? How men are babies when they get sick. Yes, I said it. I...

Keep Reading

Wanted: Imperfect Friends

In: Humor, Relationships
Wanted: Imperfect Friends www.herviewfromhome.com

Is anyone else as sick of the facade as I am?  Because on social media, everyone seems to have their crap together. But I sure don’t.  Scrolling through my feeds leaves me feeling inadequate and lonely, desperately lonely.  I know social media is only the high points. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But at the end of the day, I just feel like there’s no one who would want to be friends with little, imperfect, insignificant, me.  So, I’m placing an ad.  Wanted: Imperfect Friends A kind, but quirky,...

Keep Reading

51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late

In: Humor, Motherhood
51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ve got a question for all you moms out there: Have you ever been late? Yeah, me neither. Just kidding! We’ve all been there. We have an appointment, a meeting, an event, or just a playdate, and we want to be on time. In fact, it often looks and feels like we’re going to be on time. We’ve planned ahead. We have everything in order, and we are ready to head out the door. But then, without fail, the inevitable happens. Actually, it seems that a good number of inevitables happen. And we’re running late, again. Being on time is...

Keep Reading

5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun

In: Humor, Kids
5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun www.herviewfromhome.com

We know Mom loves us, don’t worry about that . . . but sometimes it seems like she’s just making up a whole pile of rules to ruin our fun. For instance, we’ll be in the middle of a huge independent project and she’ll come along, usually shriek, and be like, “You can’t use water guns to fill up the bathtub! And why are you shooting water into the toilet? Ewwwwww.” And just like that, we have to pack it all up and return to a clean orderly activity. A controlled activity. A zero fun activity. We’re not even sure...

Keep Reading

Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit?

In: Humor, Journal
Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit? www.herviewfromhome.com

While swaying in side-by-side hammocks, my daughter paid me the ultimate compliment: “It gives me enormous peace of mind while I’m working, to know you’re watching my son and that he’s in the most capable hands.” Then 10 seconds later while I was still orbiting in happy mode, she insulted me by offering to PAY me for this glorious privilege. We engaged in a little tit for tat tug of war with no clear winner. And the debate rages on, at least in our household. How about yours? To pay or not to pay the loving grandparents who bless us...

Keep Reading

Kids Today Will Never Know the Joy of a 90s Summer

In: Humor

So you want a good old fashioned 90s summer, huh? I don’t blame you. The 90s rocked! (Literally, thanks to Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder.) I’m not going to lie—I take slight offense to the use of “old fashioned” and “90s” in the same sentence, as I’m pretty sure the 90s were like 10 years ago, but I’ll still help you out. If you’re really doing this though, you’ll need to ditch some of your modern conveniences, like your phone. I know, I know, but it’s a requirement. You may bring a beeper or clunky flip-phone, but no internet allowed...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber

In: Humor, Kids
Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber www.herviewfromhome.com

Paid automotive transportation is pretty simple. You hop in the backseat of a cab, share the address where you are going and aren’t required to speak any longer until you arrive at your destination and pay the driver. The same primary rules apply to taking an Uber or Lyft.  The unwritten rules have been in place for some time. Your trade-off for taking paid transportation is a ride in the backseat, where you don’t have control over the music, the temperature of the car, the route the driver takes or how fast the trip takes, not even the amount of...

Keep Reading