Our Biggest Sale of the Year is Here!🎄 ➔

So you want a good old fashioned 90s summer, huh? I don’t blame you. The 90s rocked! (Literally, thanks to Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder.) I’m not going to lie—I take slight offense to the use of “old fashioned” and “90s” in the same sentence, as I’m pretty sure the 90s were like 10 years ago, but I’ll still help you out. If you’re really doing this though, you’ll need to ditch some of your modern conveniences, like your phone. I know, I know, but it’s a requirement. You may bring a beeper or clunky flip-phone, but no internet allowed on those suckers. And certainly no social media. OK, if you’ve given up Snapchat and any hope for WiFi, you’re ready to step into my time machine. Whitney Houston, we’re coming for you, girl.

First, grab your CD player and favorite tube top, because we’re doing this 90s summer right. So you know what that means! We are headed to the beach to party. (Or a cornfield.) Either way, we’re gonna need some tunes because . . . 

It’s Summer summer summertime, girlfriends. Time to sit back and unwind . . . 

Next, go ahead and round up your favorite CDs. Top picks include TLC (No Scrubs and Waterfalls, obvs) and Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. If you can’t find your Coolio CD, we can stop by Sam Goody really quick because you know we need Gangsta’s Paradise. Also make sure you’ve got that mix CD you made that has Boys II Men, Alanis Morissette, and Dave Matthews on it. That’s a good one. 

You definitely need to dress for the occasion, so I think you should totally wear those cut-off shorts you made from last winter’s French-rolled Gap jeans. You know, the ones you sewed patches on? And don’t tell your mom because those jeans were like 38 bucks. I’m also bringing a floral babydoll dress to change into later, and a giant flannel shirt and combat boots in case I get cold. With five scrunchies and butterfly clips to choose from, of course. A girl needs options. What if the Real World shows up looking for cast members?! We need to be ready.

And later, my parents promised to leave us alone in the basement so we can watch Dazed and Confused AND I Know What You Did Last Summer if we can get to Blockbuster before they close! But only if we call them and let them know where we are, so we need to bring some quarters to use the payphone at the corner store. 

Did you pack snacks for the beach/cornfield? I got some Fruit by the Foot, a Lunchable, and a Cherry Coke in my backpack, so I’m good for a while. 

And if you’re stopping for food, can you grab some disposable cameras so we can take super cute pics of all of us? Like of ourselves? Self-pictures, I guess we’ll call them? 

I’m bringing my rollerblades and Brittany says she has a Slip’N Slide in case we don’t make it to the beach. We need Super Soakers too, so we can spray the boys if they invade our party. I totally hope they do, especially Josh from homeroom—the one with the hyper-color t-shirt and JNCO jeans. He’s so fly. Ugh, they’ll probably just bring their hacky sacks and pretend to ignore us like they did in front of Spencer’s at the mall last weekend. Remember that? I was like Whatever. Talk to the hand.

I just got a new bathing suit from Fashion Bug that I cannot wait to wear. And if the party’s lame, I guess we can hit the tanning beds and then go to Six Flags instead. There’s also that Dave Matthews concert coming up, and we can still get lawn tickets I heard! So I’m saving babysitting money for that, too.

If you think of anything else, call me on the clear phone in your bedroom and makes sure your little sister doesn’t kick us off by dialing up AOL. Or page me 41 and I’ll call you back. All this planning has made me hungry, so I’m gonna heat up some Totinos Pizza Rolls and veg out in front of the TV. I think Buffy is on, but my brother wants to play Super Mario Bros. Ugh. As if!

Catch you later! This summer’s gonna be Da Bomb! 

You may also like:

20 Cheap and Family-Friendly Summer Bucket List Ideas!

Why I Loved Being a Teen in the 90s

If I Wrote a Blog As A 90’s Teen

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Karen Johnson

Karen Johnson is a freelance writer who is known on social media as The 21st Century SAHM. She is an assistant editor at Sammiches and Psych Meds, staff writer and social media manager for Scary Mommy, and is the author of I Brushed My Hair Today, A Mom Journal for Mostly Together Moms. Follow Karen on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/21stcenturysahm/, Twitter https://twitter.com/21stcenturysahm , and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the21stcenturysahm/

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 Years

In: Humor, Relationships
How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 years www.herviewfromhome.com

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. We got married back in 2008 following my college graduation. I was only 22 at the time and him? Well, he was all good-looking at the prime age of 30. There were may vocal skeptics who chimed in, unasked of course, to share with us their belief that we would “never last” and that it would “never work”. To them, I say, “You were wrong! Na-na, na-na, boo-boo!” Just kidding, of course; I don’t talk like that. I am a respectable mother, not a four-year-old child and thank goodness...

Keep Reading

How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps

In: Humor, Kids
How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps www.herviewfromhome.com

It was time. It had to happen. We’d had a good run at pouring our children into bed at 11:30 p.m., sweaty, sticky, and exhausted from their head to their toes.  But bedtime had to get back to its (somewhat) regularly scheduled program.  When we had one kid, bedtime was a breeze.  Each night, we had a 10 step process. And the steps were simple. And very, very routine. 1. Toys away at 7:10 p.m. 2. Up the stairs at 7:15 p.m. 3. Change into pajamas 4. Brush teeth 5. Read two books 6. Say prayers 7. Light off 8....

Keep Reading

Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season www.herviewfromhome.com

Your husband has a mere headache, but he automatically now believes that he is going to be a chronic sufferer of cluster migraines. Or, maybe he got a small splinter, but he now believes that he is, without probability, going to end up with a staph infection. And, well, that cough of his (cough, cough) is going to have him laid up in bed for the next two days because he is just feeling so terrible. Sound familiar? It is all too familiar to me. What am I talking about? How men are babies when they get sick. Yes, I said it. I...

Keep Reading

Wanted: Imperfect Friends

In: Humor, Relationships
Wanted: Imperfect Friends www.herviewfromhome.com

Is anyone else as sick of the facade as I am?  Because on social media, everyone seems to have their crap together. But I sure don’t.  Scrolling through my feeds leaves me feeling inadequate and lonely, desperately lonely.  I know social media is only the high points. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But at the end of the day, I just feel like there’s no one who would want to be friends with little, imperfect, insignificant, me.  So, I’m placing an ad.  Wanted: Imperfect Friends A kind, but quirky,...

Keep Reading

51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late

In: Humor, Motherhood
51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ve got a question for all you moms out there: Have you ever been late? Yeah, me neither. Just kidding! We’ve all been there. We have an appointment, a meeting, an event, or just a playdate, and we want to be on time. In fact, it often looks and feels like we’re going to be on time. We’ve planned ahead. We have everything in order, and we are ready to head out the door. But then, without fail, the inevitable happens. Actually, it seems that a good number of inevitables happen. And we’re running late, again. Being on time is...

Keep Reading

5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun

In: Humor, Kids
5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun www.herviewfromhome.com

We know Mom loves us, don’t worry about that . . . but sometimes it seems like she’s just making up a whole pile of rules to ruin our fun. For instance, we’ll be in the middle of a huge independent project and she’ll come along, usually shriek, and be like, “You can’t use water guns to fill up the bathtub! And why are you shooting water into the toilet? Ewwwwww.” And just like that, we have to pack it all up and return to a clean orderly activity. A controlled activity. A zero fun activity. We’re not even sure...

Keep Reading

Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit?

In: Humor, Journal
Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit? www.herviewfromhome.com

While swaying in side-by-side hammocks, my daughter paid me the ultimate compliment: “It gives me enormous peace of mind while I’m working, to know you’re watching my son and that he’s in the most capable hands.” Then 10 seconds later while I was still orbiting in happy mode, she insulted me by offering to PAY me for this glorious privilege. We engaged in a little tit for tat tug of war with no clear winner. And the debate rages on, at least in our household. How about yours? To pay or not to pay the loving grandparents who bless us...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber

In: Humor, Kids
Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber www.herviewfromhome.com

Paid automotive transportation is pretty simple. You hop in the backseat of a cab, share the address where you are going and aren’t required to speak any longer until you arrive at your destination and pay the driver. The same primary rules apply to taking an Uber or Lyft.  The unwritten rules have been in place for some time. Your trade-off for taking paid transportation is a ride in the backseat, where you don’t have control over the music, the temperature of the car, the route the driver takes or how fast the trip takes, not even the amount of...

Keep Reading

It’s True You Eat Shoes, But We Love You Anyway

In: Humor
It's True You Eat Shoes, But We Love You Anyway www.herviewfromhome.com

You destroyed the gingerbread house we worked on for hours… But then you stayed at the edge of my little guy’s bed, guarding against the monsters of the night, and wouldn’t leave his side until he slipped into a sound sleep. You chewed up my husband’s brand new shoes . . . But then, in my moment of private grief, you curled on my lap and kissed away my tears. You always bark your head off at anyone walking by . . . But you make sure we’re never lonely and always feel protected. You dig up the backyard ....

Keep Reading