My goodness it really dawned on me today that having a baby is a bit of a task. I’ve decided to list 5 things here for those of you considering children, or indeed for those of you that have children and need a bit of a laugh/cry at the things that happen to us almost everyday that we probably didn’t realize before.
1. If you want to ‘quickly’ move the car from one car park to the next, think again. There shall be nothing ‘quick’ about that manoeuvre.
You… take baby from stroller, open car door, leave shopping, handbag, changing bag, purse, phone, money and kitchen sink out in the car park. Place baby into car seat, and bend little, in my case, CHUBBY arms through arm holes while having your hair pulled. Once baby is safely strapped in and potentially now crying loud enough for that couple with no baby in the car next to you to roll their eyes – you will then, perspiring now, turn back around to your stroller as you lift shopping bags from the stroller, stroller tips up and empties entirety of your handbag across the parking lot bringing to light the green weaning spoon you swore had grown legs and run away last week. You continue to fill your car with with shopping bags then realize you need to fit your stroller in. So, you collapse the stroller, probably catching some small piece of skin on the way down.
2. Do you enjoy going out for a lovely meal? FORGET IT. A little thing we realized shortly after getting our son home was if we were to ever go out to dinner we must choose dishes that required one hand to eat them. You get different types of people around you. Some will interrupt your dinner to tell you how lovely your child is, you’ll feel great for 10 minutes, you’ll even feel lucky. Then you will get the other people who wonder why on earth you have brought a baby into such an establishment as T G I Friday’s! They will be simply disgusted that they have to eat with a CHILD near them.
3. You honestly won’t realize what tired is until you’ve had a baby. For example- I had insomnia pre baby and would constantly moan about how little sleep I was getting. I mean, they nap, and everyone says ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ to this I ask when should I do the washing? When should I shower? When should I take the pizza boxes out to the trash because we had pizza 4 days ago because I was too tired to cook and I’ve been constantly too tired to take the boxes out? Nothing will get done. Ladies, invest in a good concealer and by good concealer I mean get a full coverage cheap concealer that you can layer on everyday to somehow minimally mask the bags under your once glittering eyes.
4. You will get wee and poo and sick and dribble and god knows what else on you. Do you know what else? You will look down at the sick stain on your top and think ‘it’s fine, I can change it later’ except you won’t, you will forget, after all, you’re exhausted, and you will go to the store with that top on. Are you ready for that? Would you do that now? Acceptable to go out with that stain on your top is it? No! Definitely not. But it will be.
5. Last but certainly not least- LOVE. I can joke around all day about the funny yet disgusting things that happen when you become a parent but the thing that truly does make it all better is how rewarding it is to look at a child and just smile. Sometimes you won’t even realize you’re doing it. Every thing they achieve means more to you than it will for anyone else and they will grow to know that. You can tell them of all the times they were a terror, of all the bad things they did and how many tantrums they had in public and how embarrassed you were but you will look back on them and smile because I promise you that every single day you will feel love.
But of course I say all of this with a child of a mere age of 5 months. WHAT DO I KNOW?