So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Until this year, I had never experienced a miscarriage firsthand. Prior to walking through it myself, I remember wanting so badly to be there for my friends who were mourning, but being unsure of how to approach them. I stumbled through conversations, never knowing what the “right thing” was to do or say. I read the commonly reposted articles on what you absolutely should NOT to say and do around someone who has just walked through a loss, and I was terrified of offending someone inadvertently or not loving them well when my intentions were pure.

As someone who has now been on both sides of the situation, I’d like to offer some ideas of what you CAN do to serve and support a mama walking through a loss.

1. Acknowledge her. 
Sometimes it feels good just to be acknowledged. For someone not to dance around the subject and act as if this terrible thing weren’t happening, or through silence insinuate that our loss wasn’t real. I personally didn’t mind being acknowledged in person with a simple “How are you doing?” or “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for the more introverted mamas, sending a card can be a really nice gesture because she doesn’t have to say anything back if she doesn’t want to. She can simply receive the card and know that you see her. Or, if she wants, she has the invitation to open up the conversation further.

2. Treat her normally.
As much as I desired for people to honestly acknowledge our loss and not minimize it, I also didn’t want to be treated as if anyone had to walk on eggshells or be nervous around me. Nothing made me more uncomfortable than to watch others be uncomfortable around me while everything was happening. It meant the world to have friends and family who treated me with grace and kindness, not condescending pity or awkward avoidance.

3. Provide a meal.
As a mom who had two toddlers underfoot while miscarrying, I realized that time marches on even in the midst of our trials. Even during our physical recovery or our time of incapacitation, all the ins and outs of keeping the home going still demanded to be done. Bringing a meal for the family (whether it’s a family of just the two parents or a family with a few kiddos) is a blessing. This means that mama gets some extra much-needed mental and physical rest, and daddy (who is also dealing with this loss) doesn’t have to step in and take the family meal-prepping reins.

Even if you have literally no extra time to prepare an additional home-cooked meal or you live in a different geographical area than your friend, don’t be afraid to send her a card with a gift card enclosed. Many restaurants offer family sized take-out meals, or her partner could run out and grab a to-go order from most any restaurant you can imagine in her area. This will still eliminate the stress of meal planning and grocery shopping, even if only for one or two nights. And that is a big deal.

And remember, feel out the situation. Your friend may not be up for a time of visiting when you drop off the meal. If she seems receptive, provide a chance for her to open up and give her a good hug. If she seems like she just may prefer you to drop it off and be on your way, be the friend who respects that.

4. Hear her.
This one is oh-so-important and doesn’t even cost a dime! Let your friend know you are there for her, and that listening to her talk about what is happening doesn’t freak you out. Let her tell you that this is hard, or that this just sucks. Let her cry. Let her say whatever she needs to say without feeling pressure to “make it better” or tell her that “everything is OK.” Mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep. Just truly be there with her, meeting her in the mess without shrinking away awkwardly at the first sign of her honesty.

5. Share Gospel-centered encouragement.
During my first loss, I had a sweet friend who mailed me a book someone bought for her during her recent miscarriage. She had personally found it very encouraging and helpful, and her decision to “pay it forward” was very impactful to me. I loved this resource, and there are many like it out there.

6. Send her flowers.
We all know a bouquet speaks a thousand words, and that fresh flowers are good for the soul. I had a few long-distance friends who surprised me by sending the most beautiful bouquet arrangements. As I was lying on the couch reading during my kids’ nap time, it was truly the best unexpected knock at the door. It was an incredibly thoughtful surprise, and a tangible reminder that people in our lives truly cared. You can send through local floral delivery, online floral delivery, or even save costs by using a vase you have on hand and purchasing some flowers from a local market or picking some gorgeous blooms from your garden and dropping them off on her porch. You can get creative; it’s the thought that counts.

7. Gift her a special token.
Many of us have to admit that one of our top love languages is receiving/giving gifts. One of my friends who recently miscarried shared with me that she was gifted a necklace and she described how much it meant to her to receive both encouragement and a tangible reminder of her sweet baby’s life. In addition to jewelry, other ideas for thoughtful gifts during this time might be a journal, a candle, a dessert, or any other small happy item you know will bring your friend comfort. 

8. Pray for her.
This one seems obvious and simple, but I’d argue that it’s not. Many of us are guilty of saying “I’m praying for you!” but in reality, we neglect to do so. Carve out 5-10 minutes on your commute or while doing dishes to sincerely pray for peace, healing, perspective, sanctification, and for the Lord to draw close to her during this time. If you feel comfortable, ask your friend if there are any specific ways you can pray for her—then do it.

Amber Dorsett

Amber is a Southern girl born and raised in Alabama. She is a wife and a stay-at-home-mom of 2 boys (16 months apart!). After completing her Master’s degree in Communication Studies, teaching public speaking, and pursuing a career at a non-profit ministry, she traded in her high heels for a life of endless diapers, nursing covers, and lots of yoga pants. She recently launched her blog to share her passions and hopefully encourage other moms. She hopes you’ll come join the open conversations about Jesus, natural living, real food, budgeting, birth, breastfeeding, and being an intentional mama.

As an Anxious Mom, I Remind Myself You Were God’s Child First

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little boy sleeping

I remember bringing that squishy baby home from the hospital. His 9-pound birth weight didn’t label him as scrawny by any means, but he was so small to us. I cringed the first time I laid him in the bassinet beside my bed. I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on him all night long like the nurses in the hospital nursery. I couldn’t make sure he was breathing every second of my coveted slumber. To calm my worries, we turned on our bathroom light and left the door wide open. The extra light wouldn’t disturb our angel from...

Keep Reading

Home is Holy Ground

In: Faith, Motherhood
Kids and mom at home

Some days, I wake up and walk around my house feeling my chest rise looking at the chaotic mess I didn’t get done the day before.  Trampling over toys, incomplete laundry, and dishes that seem to load up by the end of the day. I pause, I stare, and I wonder which of the objects in each room I should tackle first. I take a deep breath and notice my heart and my mind are overwhelmed with a running checklist. Why can’t everything just get done all at one time? You can talk to a dozen mothers and I am...

Keep Reading

I Want My Kids To Know God’s Always There

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman holding cross in the palm of her hand, color photo

A few months ago, my friend lost his dad. And it impacted our community profoundly. Because he loved SO BIG. Everywhere he went, he couldn’t help but talk to and engage with people—sharing a joke to make them smile or offering a compliment to build them up. He was a connector. And in all the connecting he did, he was quick to remind everyone he encountered that our hearts are ever connected to a God who loves us. It had become his thing to pass out little wooden crosses to those he happily chatted up as he went about each...

Keep Reading

In Motherhood, Grace Makes up the Difference

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding young child

Today, I have been the mean mom, the tired mom, the overwhelmed mom, the anxious mom, the impatient mom, and the want to turn in my mom card mom. Mostly, I’ve felt like the I have no clue what I’m doing mom. I have raised my voice 47 times, told children to “suck it up, buttercup” 36 times, and have intervened in approximately 83 sibling disagreements. I have rolled my eyes 59 times, sighed 148 times, and visibly showed other signs of impatience, well, way too many times. RELATED: I’m a Good Mom, You Just Caught Me in a Bad...

Keep Reading

Dear Child, God Sees All of You—And So Do I

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mom and young son painting together

Math has always come easily to him. Even from the beginning stages when we counted wooden blocks on the living room floor, the numbers just came to him. “How many blocks are there?” I asked him, pointing to the scattered row of blocks. I expected him to count them. He was only three or four years old. “Six,” he answered promptly. “Yes . . . but how did you know that?” I asked hesitantly. He had not taken the time necessary to have counted them. “Three and three are six,” he replied. And on it went. The math came easily,...

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in Motherhood With His No Matter What Love

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother embracing daughter in sunlit room

My toddler was that kid on the playground—the one who would push and bite, erupting into a tantrum and needing to be carried home screaming. As I would carry my child to the car, the other moms looked at me with sympathy, confusion, fear, and . . . judgment.  Parents of challenging kids know this look well. We see judgment everywhere we go. I knew others were judging me, and I knew our challenges were beyond the normal bell curve, but as an overwhelmed young mom, I did all I knew to do: I blamed myself.  At my lowest, I...

Keep Reading

Dear Girl, Give Jesus Your Mess

In: Faith, Living
Woman holding Bible, color photo

Oh, dear girl, Give Jesus the mess. Your mess. The mess you think is too much or too big or too unbearable. The depths of the mess. The very worst of the mess. Lay it at His feet. He knew you long before the mess existed. Nobody knows your mess like Jesus. I assure you—this will not catch Him by surprise. Even when you do not understand, even when it is most difficult, even when you have your head buried in your hands. Praise Him, for God wastes nothing.  Even when it feels like opposition is coming at you from...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love Is an Endless Pursuit

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Child on bike, color photo

I look at him and my heart breaks into a million little pieces. It simply hurts too much to know he hurts. He is my heart, and it squeezes and revolts when he struggles. I want to close my eyes and hold him close, and when I resurface, I want the world to be different for him. Look different, smell different, taste different. But, it remains the same, this pain.   In the beginning, when he was in my womb, I held my hands on my stomach and his tiny feet kicked me back. His bodily imprint on my skin. He...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Brings Me to the Floor and Jesus Meets Me There

In: Faith, Motherhood

I recently came across a short memoir writing competition with the theme, “Places that have made me, changed me, or inspired me.” I could write something for that, I thought. I’m by no means a jet-setter, but I do have a passport. I spent my 16th birthday in Russia on a three-week mission trip. During college, I lived in Thessaloniki, Greece for a four-month study abroad program. After my British husband and I got married, we settled in the UK, where we’ve spent the last 10 years. And now, I’m back in my sunny Florida hometown. These experiences and places...

Keep Reading

I Will Be a Friend Who Prays

In: Faith, Friendship, Living

You mentioned it casually. They had found a lump in your breast again. You’ve been here before, and maybe that means you better know how to navigate it. Except how can we possibly know how to handle such things? What emotions lie hidden behind your words? You tossed out words like lumpectomy and biopsy as if you were sharing a grocery list. I don’t know you well yet, but as you spoke the words, I had a deep desire to let you know I’m sorry. Seated around the table that night, you asked us to pray for you. I committed...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Proven techniques to build REAL connections