At least once a month, every month, my 81-year-old grandma goes out to eat with her friend group of around 15 women, who she calls ‘The Birthday Girls.’ These women are lifelong friends and their monthly tradition has spanned over two decades, only ever missing a few months due to COVID.
Some of these women went to high school together, some are distant relatives, and some go to church together. What they all have in common is their shared devotion to their friendship.
The Birthday Girls got their name because the group celebrates their friendship by enjoying a monthly dinner out together, and whoever’s birthday month it is, gets to choose the restaurant.
The women all made a pledge to one another to be there for each other and to celebrate life together. According to my grandma, life is something you make time to celebrate once you’re in your 80s.
At the group’s largest, there were around 20 Birthday Girls, and according to my grandma, when the group first started it looked a lot different. In the beginning, they would all meet up at whoever’s house was hosting that month to have a potluck.
At their potlucks, The Birthday Girls would often bring their kids and grandkids along and it felt like a big family reunion each month. They would play Bunco, Dominos, or other games before they all enjoyed a meal together.
As for why they stopped doing the potlucks, my grandma was honest that age was the main deterrent. According to her, going to a restaurant is easier because that means the women don’t have to worry about cooking, and they still get to enjoy each other’s company. So even though they are getting older and doing things like cooking has gotten harder, they haven’t stopped making time for each other.
There is one exception when they still meet up at someone’s house, and that is Christmas. During the holidays, they choose to meet at one of the women’s houses each year so they can open gifts and play Dirty Santa. Some gifts my grandma has given during the holidays have included calendars with The Birthday Girls pictures on it for each month of the year and two recipe books that were contributed to by all the women.
When asked what my grandma likes about The Birthday Girls, she said, “We have a lot of fun together and share lots of laughs. We watched our kids and then grandkids grow up together. It keeps us young, keeps us going, and everyone looks forward to it every month.”
If you’re curious, these women still see each other regularly outside of their monthly dinners. Some of them have even gone on vacations together, having brought their families along. My grandma shared a story of a family vacation with a few of The Birthday Girls to Disney a few years back.
The Disney days have long passed, but what these women all know is to have the second Monday of each month blocked off on their calendars so that they can all meet up. There are no hard feelings, however, if something comes up. Of the 15 women around 10 or 11 usually show up any given month. These women are the types of friends I can only hope to have when I’m older.
When I asked my grandma why the group has become smaller over the years, she told me there have sadly been a couple of The Birthday Girls who have passed away. She talked about a Birthday Girl who died unexpectedly and about another Birthday Girl who died of old age. The Birthday Girl who died of old age has a daughter who had been going to The Birthday Girl meals too, but after her mom died, she couldn’t bring herself to keep going. They still consider her a Birthday Girl even though she doesn’t show up anymore.
This led me to ask a big question: In a group of 15 or so women, how on Earth do they all get along? I couldn’t help but feel like with a group that large there’s got to be some disagreements or conflict.
My grandma was honest that she couldn’t think of there ever being a falling out or there ever being so much as someone who didn’t get along with someone else in the group. I couldn’t help but wonder how.
“We are too old for any drama,” my grandma told me in response. I think a better way to put that is that she is old enough to value her friendships and not let little things get in the way. That’s something I let soak in.
After my grandma had a fall recently and became injured, it was one of her Birthday Girls who called and offered to pick her up and take her to church. She drove her up to the ramp and helped her get in and out of the building with her cane. And I know my grandma would do the same thing for any of the other Birthday Girls in return.
My grandma will tell you that her Birthday Girls are so much more than just friends to her. They are like her family. I can only hope to have friends as great as hers one day.
by Amy Weatherly 
by Amy Keyes 
by Lauren Dunn 
