By Jenny Albers 
Sometime during my first pregnancy, my doctor handed me a folder containing a wealth of information. In it was a list of classes I could take to prepare for childbirth, breastfeeding, and general infant care. There was a list of pediatricians. There were instructions for car seat safety and phone numbers for scheduling a certified car seat check to ensure proper installation.
After my baby girl was born, there were regular appointments with the pediatrician. Several times during that first year, and at least once per year throughout my daughter’s childhood, the doctor not only discussed relevant parenting information for whatever stage my daughter was in, but he also sent me home with pamphlets outlining what to expect at her current age. The information ranged from sleep, to eating, to behavior, to discipline, and more.
For years, I participated in various mom groups, where conversations often turned to many of those same topics. Not only were other mothers helpful sources of information, but they were happy to share other parenting resources too—books, websites, mom hacks. Besides that, seasoned mothers—those who had been through every stage of motherhood—eagerly shared their parenting knowledge. Parenting advice overflowed from numerous outlets.
But at some point, the pamphlets stopped. I outgrew mom groups because my children outgrew the age range required to participate. And most of the recommended parenting classes ended before my baby was even born. The parenting resources that were once abundant apparently dried up.
Now, here I stand, shoulder to shoulder with my firstborn, and it’s glaringly obvious how little I know about parenting a teenager.
What I do know is that no one prepares you for this stage of motherhood.
The stage where puberty and hormones and a wide array of ever-changing moods make you wonder if you know your child anymore.
The stage where you can hardly keep your schedule straight because your schedule revolves around their constantly changing one. Where you’ve never been busier and more scattered.
The stage where money bleeds out of the bank account for everything and nothing at all. Where you discover that kids do not get cheaper when the diaper and daycare stage is over.
The stage where, despite their independence, their lives are more complicated which makes your life more complicated. Where their problems are bigger, demanding more of your help to solve them.
The stage where sleep continues to elude you because you spend the nighttime hours fretting about all the things you still need to teach them and how little time there is to do it. Where you stare into the dark wondering if you’re missing any warning signs for all the things that could possibly be wrong because your kid doesn’t tell you everything anymore.
The stage where you have far more questions than answers, like:
How do I teach my kid their value is not based on how they look or what brands they wear or what kind of phone they have or the number of people they call friends?
How do I help them build the kind of character that will earn respect? How do I teach them to respect THEMSELVES in the choices they make?
How do I instill the kind of courage it takes to do what is right even when those around them have a habit of making poor choices?
How do I handle dating? What even are the rules anymore? What about sex and, well, anything and everything related to sex?
How do I steer them away from the toxicity of social media? How do I help them develop real, healthy, in-person relationships? How do I help them manage technology in a healthy way?
How do I learn to let go?
And that’s just the beginning. Where is the pamphlet and recommended parenting class for all of that? Where is the mom group that meets weekly to give and receive support in parenting a teenager? Where are the mom hacks for this stage?
Let me be clear, I have absolutely loved watching my kids grow older. Every stage has been beautiful in its own way. There are many things I love about having a teenager. But no one prepared me for how taxing this stage of motherhood would be. I wish someone would have.
Though, looking back, I didn’t exactly know what I was doing during the earlier stages of motherhood even with all the preparation and information available to me. Yet, here we are. My daughter and I have made it through all the stages leading up to this one, and we’ll make it through the teenage stage too.
But still, a folder filled with information on parenting a teenager, and a few pamphlets, would have been nice.
by Whitney Fleming 
