“Why did that guy yell at you?” my 11-year-old daughter asked me after my 13-year-old son’s basketball game.
My response was simple: there are two different types of approaches to youth sports.
My husband has coached my son’s basketball teams for almost three years now. My husband also happens to be a college-level coach himself (for a different sport but with the same love for this game.)
My son started playing in fourth grade, and I can admit that I was shocked at the intensity and severity that these youth coaches exhibited. And don’t even get me started on the parents.
I was more than happy to let my husband use his very rare free time to coach my son and his friends because I wanted them to have a different experience.
Approach one (exhibited by this father in question at a church league basketball game) is to take it very seriously, expecting perfection and championship-caliber execution. They focus solely on their kid’s performance and scream critiques and instructions from the sidelines. We can call this the “youth bleacher coach” approach.
The second approach, which is our style, is to realize that youth athletics is about learning the game. Improving, yes, but it’s also about having fun. And this tends to annoy the people who subscribe to the first approach.
I was standing behind some parents from the other team and saying positive things to all our boys. They are my son’s friends. They are my friends’ sons. I want them all to learn and develop and, yes, have fun. That’s what creates the bond. That’s what leads to being brothers, not just teammates.
And, in all honesty, it’s just not that serious. This isn’t a game with a college recruiter in the stands evaluating their performances. That won’t come for a long time.
But what set this guy over the edge was when I cheered for a great call from the coach (my husband). Since he is a professional, he saw that we were about to lose possession and called a timeout. I yelled, “Great call, coach!” I am there for my son, but I’m also my husband’s biggest cheerleader too.
At the same time, this dad screamed at the referees that the coach had no right to call a timeout. After hearing me, he then turned to me to project his opinions.
I said, “That’s just great coaching.” And, well, he didn’t like that. And I can admit that even after 20 years of listening to other people’s opinions of my husband, I can be a little obnoxious when defending him.
Now, I’m not just saying, “Calm down, youth bleacher coaches!” I genuinely want them to understand that their way typically leads to burnout and kids walking away from a sport they used to love.
It’s not like our approach has the kids out there just running amock and laughing their way through each quarter. They can be (and are) focused and hard-working. They are dedicated and striving for excellence.
I want these people to see that when you’re constantly telling your kid what he needs to do differently or be better at, you shift the focus off of the team and onto the individual (which creates a massive issue for a team sport atmosphere). But you’re also taking away the opportunities for your kid to figure it out on his own. And he also then isn’t listening to his coach, who probably knows at least a little bit more than you do.
But also, yes. Calm down, youth sports bleacher coaches! You’re ruining it for everybody.
by Angela Williams Glenn 
