By Elizabeth Ascik 
Like many single moms, I never imagined this label would describe my identity. At my core, I am just plain “Mom.” It took time, but I learned to embrace my new title and circumstances. However, being a single mom does have unique challenges, as well as joys.
I have been lucky enough to have an amazingly supportive community and group of friends, but the reality is that most of my mom friends are married. I can still feel like a fish out of water when spending time with friends whose lives are very different, or when acquaintances don’t know what to make of my life.
In my heart, this is what I want them to know.
Don’t ignore my situation.
As for many single moms, it has been a process for me and my children to accept our new life and identity. When first going through my divorce, I struggled with embarrassment and shame, and it was harder when people acted uncomfortable around us.
Now that I have been a single mom for a few years, close friends understand our life circumstances. But it still stings when someone gets awkward when I mention my kids going to their dad’s house or asks where they are when they meet me alone at the store.
On the other hand, certain friends make an effort to plan playdates and parties when my kids are available and suggest ladies’ night out when my kids are away. This means so much. Accommodating and normalizing our situation makes my kids feel like their life and family are okay, and that makes me feel the same way.
I want to hear about your problems too (but have some perspective).
Yes, I have some unique challenges as a single mom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sympathize with your problems too. All moms (really, all people) have challenging circumstances in their lives, even if the challenges are very different. I don’t want my friends to avoid sharing with me just because my life seems harder.
However, I do appreciate a little perspective and awareness. For instance, it can be hard to hear about your kitchen renovation when I am struggling financially, or how your husband doesn’t help when I do everything alone. But it’s still okay for you to complain once in a while. That’s what friendship is all about!
I want to be invited to adult and family gatherings, even if everyone else is a couple.
This is a big one—I want to hang out with adults! One of the toughest parts of being a single parent is the loneliness. It is very hard not to have another adult there every day to share tidbits of my day. It’s also hard to see gatherings of couples or families and not be included.
Please remember us when you are thinking about having a few couples over or another family for dinner. My kids and I are still a family, and we want to keep up relationships with other families.
A little help means so much.
One of the toughest parts of being a single mom is that you are one person doing the job of two. Especially if we have multiple kids, we physically cannot be in multiple places at once. Offering to give my child a ride to or from an activity is literally the greatest thing you can do for me at this season of my life. I am loath to ask for help unless I really need it, so it is so thoughtful when someone offers before I have to ask.
Now I have teenagers who can help with a lot of household chores, but a few years ago, those were also very overwhelming to me. Friends’ husbands who were willing to help with DIY projects were amazing. There were times, especially during the chaos of the divorce, when meals or mowing my lawn would have been such a huge help as well.
Our community is our lifeline.
For single parents, our community is everything. My kids and I would never be where we are now without the love and support of friends, family, fellow church members, teachers, coaches, and more. From generous gifts when we needed them most to the smallest kind word or gesture, these people give me strength as a single mom. I may be single, but I know I am not alone.
As a single mom, what I want my friends to know most of all is this: I am grateful for each of you.
by Jennifer Kish 
by Katie Weber 
