Oh, my sweet curly haired, blue eyed boy. If you ever wonder if I miss you, the answer is yes I do. I miss you every minute of every day until we meet again. I miss you! I remember that little boy who wore the wrinkled cowboy hat with the smile that melted my heart. Oh, yes I miss you!

I miss how you have changed and grown into a kind, handsome young man in just fifteen short years. Oh, how the time has flown. If only I knew I needed to watch you more, listen to you more and asked you more questions so that I would know your inner most dreams. But little did I know. I hold close the many things I remember, but oh how I wish I knew more.

I miss your voice, your laugh, and your smile and oh how I miss you!

I miss the silly things like your smelly football stuff airing out in the laundry room, your basketball always being where I was going to sit and the single pair of track shoes that sit in your room. I would give anything to see you play your first high school football game, shoot another basket or run one more race and cross the finish line for a win. Oh, how I miss you!

I want you know there are times the tears run down my face because I miss you so much. But then there are other times my stomach hurts from laughing as we talk and remember the special moments we had with you. No matter how much pain and hurt, I feel it was all worth having you in my life just fifteen short years. I hope you know I would give everything up just to see you one more time, hear your voice again and have you here by my side telling me everything is going to be alright. Oh, how I miss you!

I want you to know I’m doing OK. I’m strong and I refuse to let this take me down. Death will not win! I will continue to make this horrible, sad, time into a positive situation. I will pick up the pieces and put our family back together. Even though it seems our life is so different without you. I know this is God’s plan, I just don’t understand.

I miss not knowing your future. Would you have had a great senior football year? Would you of been a homecoming candidate? Who would you of taken to prom? Would there have been late nights waiting for you to come home from a date? Would basketball had been your love? Would you have qualified for state track? Oh how I wish I could of saw you graduate. The questions I have – the things you missed. Oh, how I hate this!

So if you ever wonder if I miss you, the answer is yes I do! Oh, how I miss you! I miss you to the moon and back and forever and ever more. I miss your smile, your smell, your voice, your laugh, your hugs and happiness. I miss your blue eyes, your curly hair, but most of all I MISS YOU. So for now I will say good bye to my blue eyed little boy. Just know I will hold you close in my heart until the day we meet again. I love you and that will never end.

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In Memory of my son Tyler Hook Hillmer Aug. 20,1998-Aug. 23, 2012

Missy Hillmer

Kiley Hillner lives in Texas with her husband and two beautiful daughters. She works full time and recently graduated with her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is loving life and embracing the chaotic beauty of motherhood. You can find more of her thoughts on this parenting gig on her blog and on Facebook.