On a cold morning in October of 2015, four of my friends came to sit with me while I discovered whether or not I passed the bar exam.

They were there to celebrate, like they had been there to celebrate my law school graduation. They were there to encourage, like they had during the long weeks of final exams. They were there to support, like they have through these years of solo parenting my strong-willed, high-energy kiddo.

They show up for me. And I show up for them, because we cannot do this alone. You can’t do this alone, and the married mamas can’t do this alone either. We need each other. We need God.

When I first became a single mom, when I sat with this new, gaping hole in my life, the voices of my past and the voices in my head and the voices around me shouted. They shouted to fill the hole with a husband.

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But God whispered something different. If a husband comes, He whispered, don’t let him be a gap-filler.

Be full with God. Even if you are drowning and sick with exhaustion, even if you are near to giving up, dig deep and look up. See Him who made you for a purpose, whisper His promises to yourself, remember you are seen, believe you are loved, know you are not alone.

Be full with family and friendships. Be there for your married mama friends who need an ear or a coffee delivered or a date night or a prayer.

Even if you are empty and dry to cracking, even if you feel like you have nothing left, dig deep and look around. See another tired mama, send a text, encourage her. Let her know she is noticed, she is loved, she is not alone.

As I have more, I can give more. As I give more, I am filled more. And a husband, if he comes, will be complementing, not completing. He won’t be filler, he will be topping on an already full life.

Stevie Swift

Stevie is a Jesus follower and single-mom to one crazy-awesome kid. She writes at www.stevieswift.com about being happily single, parenting, and Christianity. You can find her in the Pacific Northwest, putting pineapple on pizza and planning her next adventure, or on the interwebs with  FacebookInstagram, and  Twitter