Adoption Featured Journal Kids

Adoption: The Perfect Mom

Written by Alissa Kay

As women & as mothers, we put so much pressure on ourselves. We strive to be the best we can be. But here’s the thing, the women I know are doing the best they can. I know so many women who are trying their hardest and are successful. Yet, they don’t see it that way. I know I’m guilty of this too.  As an adoptive mom, I feel like I put even more pressure on myself to be the perfect mom. Too bad no such thing exists!

Someone else, another mom, chose me to raise their child. Actually, 3 other moms chose me. They chose me, in part, because they felt like I could do a better job given their circumstances at the moment.  And there’s that self-doubt again.  I’m not better than any of them. They were facing tough circumstances and didn’t feel quite ready to welcome a baby.  I’m not better but ultimately, I’m at a different point in my life. I have the resources, the support & the desire to be mom. We all have love for these children, but sadly, love isn’t always enough.

I’m raising someone else’s children as my own. Talk about pressure. I have to do a good job. I don’t want the other moms to regret their choices. While my kids will probably be sad that they lost their first moms, I don’t want them to be disappointed that they were stuck with me. I want to give my kids the best life possible while teaching them to value faith, family, education & hard work. I want to fill their childhood with happiness, fun & good memories.

But sometimes we have a bad day. I might get frustrated when I catch my 2 year old climbing in the pantry. Again. I might tell my 5 year old no after he asks me for the 20th time to help him transform Optimus Prime. That toy is too hard for this momma! Sometimes I raise my voice and show my frustrations. And then the guilt eats at me… What if their birth moms saw me on a bad day? I would be so embarrassed. I was chosen to be their mom. They could easily have had a different mom. I cannot take my kids for granted. I feel like I can’t have bad days. Yet, we all do. Even the best moms have off days. And really, that’s okay, we’re only human.

Luckily, the good days outnumber the bad days. I just hope my kids think so too! This morning my 2 year old was playing house with her doll. She was playing pat-a-cake with her doll, read books to her doll and then swayed her to sleep. The same things I do with our baby. That made my heart happy; I must be doing something right. Just like all moms.

 

About the author

Alissa Kay

Alissa was born and raised in the Midwest and currently calls Wisconsin home. She’s happily married to her college sweetheart and she’s living out her dreams of being a stay-at-home mom. Although, let’s be real, she’s hardly ever home. She’s the mom to 3 kids who all came to her via adoption. A boy (8) and 2 girls (6 and almost 4!). The kids keep her plenty busy, but when she has free time she enjoys a night out with friends or curling up with a good book.