My husband and I are on a very exciting journey—we are in the process of adopting our first child! Wow, we are stoked beyond words. Albeit we are on the front end of the journey at this point (as in just now about to complete our home study). Yet we are knee-deep and in the thick of it all.

After struggling with infertility for about two years and many doctors’ appointments later, it became clear that natural conception is not how we will become parents. We never thought we would encounter infertility. Infertility has been hard and a grieving process of its own, honestly.

At the same time, God used our pain to help us see that adoption was His plan A for our family all along. So, in a strange way, we can be thankful God allowed us to struggle so we could get on the same page as Him. And honestly, we just want to bring our child home. So, if that meant the baby who is meant to be our child would come home to us via adoption, then that was okay with us.

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Well on my way to becoming an adoptive mama has sparked some thoughts . . . and some fears. Will my child truly view me as their mom? Am I just as much a mother because I will not have walked through pregnancy, labor, and delivery? Will this child securely attach to me, a true stranger to them, upon placement?

Will others treat me as less of a mom than the ones who labored to grow and deliver them physically into this world? Will we not be truly celebrated as parents-to-be because there is no promise of how long we will wait for our child when we have our baby shower? These anxieties seem to grip hold at random times, and I’ve opted to take a stand against them.

No, I will not have physically grown, labored, and pushed this child out into this world. However, it will not have been a cakewalk to be able to take home our child. So yes, I will have labored through paperwork, interviews, home visits, fundraising, training conferences, and many background checks, and what will feel like endless waiting.

No, this child will not recognize me upon placement. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get to know one another. So yes, I will work to form secure attachments where they will be loved and nurtured and attended to, learning that we, Mom and Dad, will be there for them like a mom and dad should for their baby.

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No, our baby shower won’t happen when my belly is so round from pregnancy that the anticipation of baby coming soon can be felt by all. But yes, we will have a baby shower celebrating the baby we will be welcoming home and that we are becoming parents, which is really what a baby shower is celebrating. And a side note, yes, this baby shower should be regarded with the same celebration, support, and excitement as a pregnant couple were to receive, no matter when the shower happens in the waiting period. Just because your wait time for baby is unknown does not lessen the reality and joy that you are parents-to-be.

My husband and I are the first on both sides of our family to adopt an infant, so we are learning quite a bit. I am thankful for the training that will help us feel more ready for the challenges to come. It’s natural for fear to arise from the unknown, true. But I won’t let the unknown steal the joy of what is to come and what my husband and I are truly laboring toward—bringing home our baby.

I will be this child’s true mother. And the baby we welcome home will be our child, our baby. No matter how others view me as our child’s true mother or not, I know that I will be. And my child will know me as “Mama” too.