“My child is so sensitive, I don’t want to hurt her feelings by correcting her.”

“I raise my voice to let them know I mean business.”

“Just so there is no blood, I let my little kids figure out their own disagreements.”

“I do everything I can to stay consistent with my discipline. I don’t want to send a mixed message.”

Have you ever believed these lines? Have you ever uttered any of these statements? I bought into the “work out yourselves” and the “consistency” philosophies. 

If you have been bound by any of these 4 big fat parenting lies, get ready to be set free! 

Mamas, here are a four myths we are tempted to believe … and the truth that busts them:

1. Correction Crushes a Child’s Spirit.

TRUTH:  No. Correction is training. Kids need training. Criticism is the thing that crushes a child’s spirit. Correction motives and encourages a child to do something better. It is training. 

Criticism sounds like: Your room is always a mess. You are so disorganized. How can you find anything? (negative, personal attack, shaming)

Correction sounds like: Your room needs some TLC. I will show you how you can organize it. I will help you if you like. (state problem, train, offer assistance- same team approach.

2. A Big Voice Means Business.

TRUTH: No. A big voice means the parent is out of control and the child has control of the parent’s emotions.

A quiet voice (not a whispered threatening voice, a pleasant one) , in close proximity, using eye contact, and gentle touch increases the importance of the message and is more likely to gain the child’s cooperation.

3. My Kids Need to Work It Out Alone.

TRUTH: No. Most kids don’t have conflict resolution skills. If they are not assisted, jungle rules prevail. The biggest, toughest kid gets his way. 

Instead give your children skills to deal with conflict. Teach them how to respectfully state a concern without attacking the person. Speak stating with “I” rather than “You.” “I feel frustrated when you use my stuff without asking.” Next person, “I’m sorry I took your shirt without your permission. Will you forgive me?” “Yes” Final line, “I will ask next time.” Train your kids in how to handle interpersonal issues respectfully. They need your help to do this. Be sure to be the coach than the referee.

4. Consistency is a MUST. 

TRUTH: No. Consistency is critical in moral, safety, and legal messages. How the issues are dealt with depends on the situation and the child. Discipline doesn’t always have to be the same. Where you stand on important issues does. 

What myths do you believe?

Teach me your way, Lord,
    that I may rely on your faithfulness.
Psalm 86:11a 

By,
Lori Wildenberg
Co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting, co-author of three parenting books. Contact Lori for your next speaking engagement.

Join Lori and five of the 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting team in Minneapolis on Nov. 4 from 9-2 at the HeartCORe Family Conference. It’s not too late to register. Click here for more information. If you care about parenting, relationships, marriage, single parenting, faith, and education this conference is for you.