So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Momma,

I see you driving down the road with tears in your eyes. I see the deer caught in the headlights look as your hands firmly grip the wheel. You sob, uncontrollably, afraid to utter the words that well within your body. I know you utter how much your child is loved, how you wouldn’t change them for the world, that you will get through it together, but I know you’d give your life in a heartbeat to have it so your child didn’t struggle with aggression.

I know the type of day you had. The one when you listened carefully as little feet hit the ground and you cautiously walked on eggshells trying to figure out just what kind of day you might have. You tried to find the perfect clothes that didn’t tug or pull on your little one’s body. You gently brushed their hair avoiding any snarls for fear that one misstep would send you into a place no parent ever imagines you could be.

RELATED: This is the Part of Special Needs Parenting No One Talks About

I know you spent the day offering tokens for positive behaviors and lavishing your child with the love they need to know they are so precious, so wanted, so exceptional that they haven’t been put here just to change your world but to help you change the world for them and others who will walk in the same shoes.

I know it’s late in the day. You’ve iced the bruises, and yet your heart is broken.

You carefully cradle your child and secure them in their seat to drive. A drive might fix it, or at least keep your child safe and allow you to release the pain that has built up inside all day. As you head into the darkness I know you wonder if anyone gets it. I know you have been told you are “too much” by friends because well, maybe you are. Maybe the pain and suffering you live with are too much for others to bear. Not for me. I am here momma, I am here for you.

I’m driving too, my child is buckled in. I look in the rearview mirror, I see you. I see your eyes darkened with sadness, your cheeks tear-stained from not just the physical pain but the emotional pain. I know your fear. I live it, too.

Aggressive autism isn’t talked about a lot. Most parents fear coming out, afraid to be honest with others or even themselves. They fear saying it out loud because then, it’s true. They fear judgment. They don’t believe they will ever be understood and so, they live in hiding, covering up their bruises with make-up, wearing long sleeves, and perhaps going so far as to get tattoos to hide the scars, at least the physical ones that others can see.

Momma, I want you to know I see you. I am here. I am you.

Except I am tired. Tired of doing this alone. Tired of hiding. Tired of being ashamed because ashamed, I am not. My daughter is more than her aggressive autism and when the autism aggression takes hold of her, shethe child I birthedis gone. She is morphed into a being she cannot control.

RELATED: The Struggle You Don’t See in a Special Needs Family

As I rock her, try to gain control of one arm or another to keep her from hurting herself or someone else, I whisper, “I am here. We will do this. Together. You are special and I will work through this by your side.” She flails and screams, unable to control herself. At that moment, I find myself in what feels like an out-of-body experience, turning my mind away from the searing pain of the bites, pinches, and hair-pulling because I know this is not my daughter. And sometimes, sometimes as quickly as it started, that autism aggression escapes her body, and she is left limp.

I cradle her in my arms. Rocking. Rocking her. Reminding her I am with her. She is mine, and she is so loved.

Momma, come out. You are not alone. You need love. Your child needs to be celebrated, to be shared, to be lavished with the same gifts of other children who don’t live with aggression because her aggression, she can’t control it. And momma, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You show up. Daily. You walk beside your child. You show them love and you, my friend, are their greatest advocate and there is no reason to hide any of that.

Originally published on the author’s blog

Elizabeth North

Elizabeth is a mother of five, who enjoys wading through the waters of life with a busy house, full-time job, and a passion for advocating and educating others on the journey of life with autism.

Becoming a Special Needs Parent Was Unexpected—But So is My Strength As a Mother

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mom hugging son

I never wanted to be here. Carting my child from one therapy appointment to another. Arguing with the insurance company about which prescriptions should be covered, or even which ones my doctor is allowed to prescribe. Receiving phone calls from my child’s school questioning decisions I’ve made about his therapy schedule. I never wanted to be here. Listening to my child say he hates himself and that he’s stupid. Watching him roll around on the ground crying about how hard homework is. I never wanted to yell at my child to finish his homework. I never wanted my child to...

Keep Reading

Behind Every Special Needs Kid Is A Fierce Mom Who Loves Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Behind every Special Needs Kid is a Fierce Mom that Loves Them www.herviewfromhome.com

“Write what you know! Write what you know!” What I know is special kids – they’re all special, right? Kids with special needs, they’re kids with kind hearts, creative minds, and a desire to fit in and behind them all, a fierce mama that loves them. “That which does not kill us will make stronger” or “God only gives challenges to those who are strong enough to handle it.” I’m not sure how many times I’ve heard that but lately – it’s a little too much. Thank you, but even a strong mama just wants a simple hug and someone...

Keep Reading

Dear Autism Mom, You Are a Warrior

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy's eyes show over his mother's shoulder

To the mom whose child was diagnosed with autism today,  It’s OK. Just get in your car and scream. It’s not going to make everything go away but you deserve the release. Are the tears coming now? Good, don’t stop them. Unexpected news is often heavy, and this feels like the weight of the world because it’s about your entire world: your precious child. I’m not going to minimize what you’re feeling: pain, disappointment, confusion, anger, fierce love, a fight to overcome. Today is a line in the sand kind of day. It’s the day your suspicions and worst fears...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime