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Right now I wake up very early, no matter what day it is. And you need me so, so much.

Right now you need me to help you go potty and brush your teeth.

Right now you wake yourself up at night and still need me to help you fall back asleep most times.

Right now is exhausting, and right now I couldn’t tell you the last time I really rested or slept well. 

Right now you need me to help you get dressed, undressed, and button, zip, hook, and clasp every piece of clothing you wear.

Right now I make you breakfast (and lunch and dinner) every day, and you still ask me for snacks every 11 minutes.

Right now you are testing every rule and have a lot of big new emotions that are tough to handle. For all of us.

Right now you no longer nap, but your little bodies are so tired by the end of the day.

Right now is messy. 

Right now there’s never enough caffeine or time to get grown-up things done.

Right now you are learning how to share and to take turns, and it’s not always smooth sailing.

Right now there is whining and fighting and crying and spills and time-outs.

There is punching and kicking, and yesterday I asked you to stop licking the window.

Right now you try to help, but it ends up taking twice as long, and sometimes I get frustrated.

Right now the laundry is piled so high in the laundry room, I am using the floor as a shelf. I am hiding laundry baskets in my closet when we have guests because sometimes it’s all just too much.

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Right now there are playdates and playgrounds and pull-ups and mispronounced words. There is heartache when we’re out of popsicles, and right now just about everything is a very big deal.

Right now is crowded . . . and sometimes lonely.

You are ALWAYS crawling and jumping and laying on me and on each other, and in the dirt, and I always feel guilty when I have to move you.

And right now when we try to go anywhere, it takes at least 30 minutes or more to get through the door and loaded into the car. And right now there are not many places I can go with all three of you anyway.

Right now we can’t spend much on things other than the bills and food, and because of that, at this very minute, you’re eating a PB&J and crackers for dinner. But right now you’re totally fine with that. So we are, too.

I know things will get better, easier maybe, but . . . right now is hard.

It’s hard sometimes that you need us so, so much. Then again, it feels good to be so needed.

Right now you are so amazing.

You are so full of joy and you get excited about everything.

Right now I get to wake up with you every day, be a part of every milestone (and meltdown), kiss you before you go to sleep every night, and share all the moments in between.

Right now you are learning to be kind, to share, to show love, to be a brother and a friend.

Right now you ask to hold my hand when we walk down the stairs.

Right now you love to snuggle and you sleep with a stuffed raccoon and at least six blankets, and the way you say “nice and cozy” in your little 3-year-old way melts my heart every single time.

Right now you are learning everything from everywhere and everyone, and you are SO smart.

You are so smart. 

Right now you say, “I wuv you, Mama,” and you are starting to actually know what that means.

Right now you also love to sing. Your favorite song is the “ABCEFG song.” (And everything is your favorite thing).

Right now you love to sing so much that you do it all day long, and you make up your own songs and dance moves that narrate our day, and it makes my heart smile.

Right now you ask for help with your socks and shoes, you ask for help with your mittens and your pockets, but you are starting to ask me less and less, and you are practicing. Today you zipped your own coat, and I got all choked up. I am so proud of you.

Right now you are such a big help with your little brother. 

Right now you fit in my lap and in my arms, but you’re growing so quickly, and it’s hard for me to carry you both at the same time much anymore.

Right now you are so freaking adorable.

Right now you are figuring out what it means to be independent, and it is so fun to watch you discover things on your own.

Right now, monster trucks, dinosaurs, and soccer are just about the coolest things ever.

Right now there is so much Play-Doh and so many LEGOs in our home we could probably build ourselves an entire city. (Wouldn’t that be something?)

Right now your imagination is limitless.

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Right now you are so pure and so innocent and so starry-eyed.

Right now my kisses are magical, no matter what happened, and I am your entire world.

Right now your biggest worry is when a toy is missing or you need a hug.

Right now your smiles make your eyes sparkle.

(I hope that never changes.)

Right now there are playdates and playgrounds and pull-ups and mispronounced words and more laundry than I have ever seen in my entire life. 

But, oh my, right now is just so stinking beautiful.

If I could freeze time and just soak in every little ray of light that you are right now, I would stay here forever. Because right now I love you more than I have ever loved anything. I love you with my soul.

And right now, the thought of time passing so quickly just breaks my heart.

Any time you let me right now, I just hold you. I take a big, deep breath and love you a little deeper, breathing in those tiny little nows. Because right now, you are already a little older and bigger than you were this morning, and you already seem to need me a little less.

Right now it feels so good to be your mama, you are so special and becoming such amazing little people. And I know right now is just the blink of an eye.

But no matter whatright now, later, and foreverI hope you know you will always have me, for whatever you need. 

I love you so, so much.

And I will always need you, too. 

All my love,
Mama

Stephanie Hurley

Former elementary school teacher, SAHM of three boys (identical twins, plus one), wife, dog lover, nature enthusiast, music lover, artist, sunshine powered, happy 30-something soul from New England, USA. 

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