The other day while scrolling on Facebook, I landed on a dress for sale in my local moms group. It was a gorgeous strapless number in shades of blue that only rivaled the ocean on a summer day. “Prom gown for sale! Only worn once for a few hours. Significantly off retail.”

The price: $500.

I gulped. That was more money than I spent on my off-the-rack wedding dress.

In a few years, I will have three daughters who may want to go to their high school prom. It was time for some intelligence gathering.

I texted a few moms with kids older than mine to see what they spent on the total prom experience, and friends, my recommendation is to start saving up now.

I didn’t get anyone to give me a specific budgetary amount (and I had to sign a blood oath not to share the cost with their husbands), but best guesses were parents spend between $600-$700 for girls. This cost covered items like hair, makeup, nails, dress, matching purse, jewelry, shoes, flowers, dinner, limousine, and the after-prom event. Boys were not that far behind.

According to a 2017 Yahoo Lifestyle survey, that is spot on. The average parent of a teenager is spending nearly $700 for their child to go to prom. That means there are a lot of families spending more on expenses such as professional photographers, custom-made apparel, special transportation, etc.

The worst part? The families whose annual incomes are the least spend the most.

One of my BFFs recommended I may need a second mortgage if all three of my girls attend in the same year.

So, I had to ask: “Do you think we’re going overboard just a wee bit?”

My friend responded: “Oh, totally. But it’s hard not to. That’s just what people do now.”

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this concept. I went to my high school prom all four years and borrowed a dress from a friend every time but one. My mom bought me a new pair of shoes, but we had a budget. I wore the same jewelry, and my friends and I helped each other with our hair and make up.

And we rocked it—spiral perm, big bangs and all.

It’s not that I don’t think my kids are worth it. I mean, prom is a rite of passage for teens.

But how did we get here? When did prom become more like a red-carpet event than a school dance?

The cost isn’t even the worst part.

While girls frantically search for the perfect gown in true Say Yes to the Dress fashion, they have an added worry of ensuring they do not purchase a dress that anyone else has. If two attendees appear in the same attire, that can lead to a “Who Wore It Best” evaluation on social media.

To prevent this from occurring, some retailers create registries regarding which dresses are sold to students at specific high schools, so there are no mix-ups. Just to make sure, however, many teens even form Facebook groups where each girl in a class  posts their “look” to ensure there is no fashion faux pas.

I’m told this is important stuff, because fights can break out if a girl who didn’t participate in the registry shows up in too similar of a dress to another student.

I am not making this up.

This all leads to dress shopping up to six months in advance.

I am exhausted just thinking about it.

All this craziness doesn’t even touch upon the obscene new tradition of promposals, the over-the-top invitations that are now standard and averaging a few hundred dollars a pop. These include flash mobs, custom-made fortune cookies, and carriage rentals, just to offer a few examples.

I would never survive in today’s prom world. My Junior year I bought my dress on sale the weekend before the event and never thought twice about wearing the same one as anyone else. My date was on the shorter side, so we picked up a pair of flats from Payless, who dyed them the same shade of purple as my sequined number. Because we all went as friends, we ordered pizza and hung out in someone’s basement.

And we had the best time.

I think kids today would be disappointed in our prom planning.

So, what’s a mom of three girls to do besides selling a kidney on the black market?

I hope I can find a happy medium with my kids.

I hope they know that no matter what we spend on their big night, it doesn’t guarantee a good time. Their choice of who they spend the prom with is infinitely more important than the selection of their shoes.

I hope they remember that regardless of how much their date invests, they don’t need to fulfill any romantic obligations. Prom is not a transactional arrangement.

I hope they understand that confidence enhances any dress, and kindness shines brighter than any diamond.

And I hope they realize their life won’t change a bit because of prom.

But most of all, I hope I am a brave enough parent not to get caught up in the hype myself.

I hope they know that no matter what we spend on their big night, it doesn’t guarantee a good time. Their choice of who they spend the prom with is infinitely more important than the selection of their shoes.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Whitney Fleming

Whitney is a mom of three teen daughters, a freelance writer, and co-partner of the site parentingteensandtweens.com You can find her on Facebook at WhitneyFlemingWrites.

Our Kids Need Us as Much as We Need Them

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy sitting on bench with dog nearby, color photo

During a moment of sadness last week, my lively and joyful toddler voluntarily sat with me on the couch, holding hands and snuggling for a good hour. This brought comfort and happiness to the situation. At that moment, I realized sometimes our kids need us, sometimes we need them, and sometimes we need each other at the same time. Kids need us. From the moment they enter the world, infants express their needs through tiny (or loud) cries. Toddlers need lots of cuddling as their brains try to comprehend black, white, and all the colors of the expanding world around...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

So God Made My Daughter a Wrestler

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young female wrestler wearing mouth guard and wrestling singlet

God made my girl a wrestler. Gosh, those are words I would never have thought I would say or be so insanely proud to share with you. But I am. I know with 100 percent certainty and overwhelming pride that God made my girl a wrestler. But it’s been a journey. Probably one that started in the spring of 2010 when I was pregnant with my first baby and having the 20-week anatomy ultrasound. I remember hearing the word “girl” and squealing. I was over the moon excited—all I could think about were hair bows and cute outfits. And so...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

You May Be a Big Brother, but You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother with young son, color photo

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. Back then, we were new parents, clueless but full of love—a love that words can hardly explain. I can vividly recall holding you in my arms, rocking you in the cutest nursery, and singing sweet lullabies, just like yesterday. I can picture those times when you were teeny-tiny, doing tummy time, and how proud I was of you for lifting your head. And oh, the happiness on your face when “Baby Shark” played over and over—that song always made you smile! We made sure to capture your growth...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading