Having another baby made me a better mom.
There. I said it. I know it sounds weird, but it’s my truth.
It’s not like I wasn’t a “good” mom before I had another baby, but having my second definitely made me better.
My firstborn gave me life. A new life. She filled my heart with the purest unconditional love. She promoted me to the highest title I’ve ever had. She made me a mama.
For the first time, I wasn’t living for myself. I was living for my family. For the tiny little blue-eyed bundle that didn’t leave my arms.
At first, it was such an insanely difficult adjustment. I was on top of the world and my heart was overflowing with love, but it was hard. So hard.
No matter how many books I read, no matter how many seasoned parents I talked to, nothing could have prepared me for how much my life would drastically change.
It’s something you can’t fully appreciate until you’re in it and you’re living it.
It’s an amazing, amazing blessing and the most beautiful new reality, but it’s different. I was in uncharted territory and it was downright terrifying.
The love I felt was stronger than I could have ever even imagined. The happiness I felt in my heart was unreal. The gratitude and thankfulness was all-consuming.
But so was the reality that getting out of the house was so much harder. Running to the store was no longer a simple errand. There were no more nights out with the girls. There were no more lazy Sunday mornings sleeping in.
There really wasn’t any sleeping going on at all.
Getting the chance to do my hair and makeup was rare and having the energy to do it was even rarer. All of my clothes were covered in spit up and the laundry piles were scary high.
My once clean house became heavily lived in. The sink seemed to always be full, the baseboards were collecting mountains of dust and the sticky floors were in dire need of a daily wash.
Learning to juggle a million different tasks at once was one of the hardest lessons.
All of my days were tightly scheduled around my baby girl and her feeding times, diaper changes and nap times. I was so sleep deprived, I felt like I was living in the twilight zone for the first few months.
My emotions were all over the place and on top of that, my body had changed dramatically.
I looked different and I felt different.
I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. It was truly one of the strangest feelings I had ever felt.
While I was exactly where I had always dreamed of being, parts of me definitely clung on to the freedoms of my old life. Parts of me definitely resisted the surrendering of the completely carefree lifestyle with no responsibilities.
When I became a mama for the second time, my whole world changed yet again.
It is so mind boggling and so insanely incredible how much your heart can love and grow. When I didn’t think it was possible to love anymore than I already did, my tiny little redheaded angel proved me wrong.
My heart doubled in size.
Not only that, but I found that I was able to do twice as much as I thought I was capable of.
The first couple of weeks were sweet, messy and chaotic, but gosh . . . they were so good. So fun. So fulfilling.
We eventually got a nice little rhythm down and I surprised myself every single day with how much I could handle at one time.
Two babies to calm, two babies to feed, two babies to change, two babies to snuggle, two babies to teach and to play with. Two babies who needed me and depended on me fully.
Every day my confidence grew and the cloud of inferiority tapered off.
Having another baby somehow forced me to LET GO.
It forced me to let go of control and of my crazy, unrealistic expectations.
It forced me to let go of what WAS and fully embrace what IS with an excited and grateful heart, mind and soul.
It forced me to accept myself, my body, my responsibilities, and my chaos.
It forced me to be extremely vulnerable and to be comfortable there.
It forced me to lean on the Lord completely.
Through Him, I am exactly who I need to be. I’m right where I need to be.
The days became crazier and more hectic, but it was there that I found peace.
Sometimes being pushed outside of your comfort zone is exactly what you need to grow and to learn to just let go.
There are many times in life where we are given much more than we can handle.
But, it’s in those times that tremendous transformations take place and you realize that your best is enough.
You are enough.
And everything about that is absolutely beautiful.
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