Tonight as I put you to bed, you asked, “Will you watch me sleep all night, Mama?”

I told you I’m always watching, I’m always near. 

What you’ll never truly realize though, sweet boy, is the extent of which I watch you. If only you knew, you’d never need to question it.

How I watched when you were just a bump in my stomach, making yourself known with flips and kicks, the longing to meet you ever-present.

How I watched when they first laid you on my chest, your tiny, precious face peeking up at mine. 

How I watched as I fed you, cradled securely in my arms, worrying if you were eating the right amount.

How I watched as you started walking, never far behind in case you stumbled and fell.

How I watch when you don’t even know it.

How I watch when you’re playing independently, so in tune with your own little imaginative world.

How I watch when you color pictures, so intent and focused. 

How I watch when you ride your bike, making sure you’re safe and steady and ready to catch you at any given moment.

How I watch when you get frustrated, wishing I could somehow make it easier but knowing it’s how you learn all the same. 

How I watch when you close your eyes and finally drift off to dreamland, so quiet and peaceful tucked under your covers.

How I’ll continue to watch as you get older, even when you’d rather I didn’t.

How I’ll watch when you hesitantly walk through those classroom doors, a whole new world awaiting you. 

How I’ll watch when you drive away in your very own car, biting my nails all the while. 

How I’ll watch when you bring a significant other home for the first time, trying my best to be accepting and see what you see. 

How I’ll watch when you walk across the stage at graduation, tears in my eyes at that monumental event. 

How I’ll watch as you wait at the end of the aisle for that person of your dreams to join you and start your new life together.

How I’ll watch as you stare down at your firstborn and finally experience that all-encompassing love which I’m incapable of adequately describing. 

So yes, son, I’m watching, from near and far. I’ll be watching with pride, watching with worry, and watching with a mama’s deep, deep love that knows no boundaries. Now, and always. 

Originally published on Motherhood Awry