So God Made a Mother is Here! πŸŽ‰

Here we are again, with the big empty duffel bags out, waiting to be filled. It feels like we were just hauling our son’s stuff (and our son) back home, and yet it also feels like it’s been forever. Thankfully, we have an extra month with our daughter, so that goodbye is less imminent.

In the beginning, as it usually is with beginnings, it felt like we had unlimited time stretching out ahead of us. Truthfully, my son adapted so easily to finishing his freshman year of college online. And my gratitude for having my two college kids at home, our family together when we had not expected to beβ€”my gratitude is expansive. But as I start to help make lists with my son and help organize belongings, I find myself wishing for more time. Somehow the extra time with my kids is making it even harder to say goodbye.

On top of this, we face a very different school year, or at least semester, ahead. It seems that uncertainty is the only certainty.

Will our kids have classes in-person? Or will classes be taught online? Maybe it will be a mix of the two . . . and maybe some classes will be hybridβ€”in-person one day and online another. There are just so many different ways this is coming together, and things seem to be changing almost daily. We have been watching plans unfold for over a month now, and some schools are already scrapping plans and going all online.

RELATED: The Future For My College Student May Be Unknown, But It’s Going To Be OK

For those of us parents who have been through the college drop-off before, all this uncertainty is slightly easier to manage. Because we face fewer unknowns, and unknowns can be the root of worry and discomfort. But how about those who are facing this for the first time?

I’ll share something you first-timers might not knowβ€”college is a big adjustment for parents, too!

Sure, there are some parents who ease on into this transition and this new season of parenting. But for the vast majority, we can feel anywhere from a little out of sorts to completely thrown for a loop. A few of our friends are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum as they approach, or have just finished, college drop-off.

Sadness, missing kids, unease about this next season without the daily presence of kids at home. Sometimes there’s an identity crisis, especially for moms, with the question of who am I now that I’m not actively mothering? Dads often feel a version of this, too, with no more games or meets or performances to attend every week.

So what can parents do to make this adjustment a little easier?

Reinvest in each other.

Chances are, even if you were good at maintaining your couple relationship, there was probably a concentrated focus on the family unit and kids. So fill in the voidβ€”and strengthen your marriageβ€”by making each other a priority. Spend more time together, both spontaneously and with planned dates or little getaways. Find out how you can be a better spouse for your partner and help your spouse to do the same. My husband and I have taken this opportunity to work on us. We’ve been intentional about communicating better (this includes both how we express ourselves and how we listen). We’re carving out time to spend together, whether it’s to do some errands together, enjoy dinner on the patio, or plan a mini-vacation for just the two of us.

RELATED: Dear Husband, Do You Remember When All This Was Just a Dream?

Rediscover yourself.

With the kids at college, but not permanently out of the house yet, now is the perfect time to self-reflect. Maybe you’ve always wanted to create a garden, take up yoga, or learn to paint. Maybe, like me, you slowly discover a new career and interest to pursue. When my kids were still in middle and high school I started subbing in local preschools. By the time my oldest started college, I had a regular sub job and felt like I was doing something that not only mattered, but that I love so much. Leading up to my son starting college last year, I reignited my passion for writing and started blogging. I am now devoted to both working in the preschool and blogging and writingβ€”I feel energized and have a new sense of purpose.

Learn new ways to stay connected with your kids.

There’s no denying that it’s an adjustment to not see your kids every day and to not have their presence in your home. No more of their belongings strewn about, no more β€œMom, when’s dinner?” or β€œCan you help me with this?” No longer (for now) are they sleeping under the same roof as us or filling our homes with their unique and precious energy.

BUT. This doesn’t mean we can’t stay connected with them. We just have to be creative. Make use of texting, Snapchat, and FaceTimeβ€”allowing our kids to set the rhythm for this. Just this morning, my son and I shared coffee and conversation over FaceTime, and for a few minutes, I forgot we weren’t in the same room.

Send care packages with things they need or treats we know they will love (and that just might remind them of home).

And keep in mind that staying connected is easier when we have cherished shared experiences and memories. Bigger experiences, like vacations, are wonderful. But little moments are just as meaningful.

RELATED: When You’re the Mom of a College Kid

For example, my daughter and I love to relax with coffee at our favorite coffee shop and chat about whatever comes to mind or nothing at all. My son and I have a series we’ve been watching since before he left for college, and we catch up with it whenever he is home for a weekend or break. Adventures don’t have to be big. My daughter and I love to go on β€œTarget Adventures,” which is any spontaneous let’s go to Target even though we don’t need to buy anything outing. Usually at night, and usually in our pajamas. It’s been a while, but my son and I would go to Superdawg (burger and hot dog drive-in) and eat hot dogs and fries in the car. Adventures like these are just plain fun, and the memories of them keep us connected when we’re apart.

Let yourself feel what you feel.

No matter how much effort we make and even when we’re in a good place, it’s normal to feel sad or down sometimes. Instead of trying to talk ourselves out of this, we should acknowledge how we’re feeling and ride that wave. Maybe even talk about it with our spouse or a friend. This approach really helps us face and get through rough spots.

Yes, college is a time of growth and adjustmentβ€”for everyone. If we embrace this as an opportunity, we just might find that this season of parenting holds its own special treasures.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Sydnei Kaplan

I'm a mom and wife, blogger, freelance writer and author of the children's picture book π™π™π™š π™ƒπ™šπ™–π™«π™šπ™£ π™‹π™π™€π™£π™š. I strive to help moms navigate all seasons of motherhood, and reassure that parenting evolves but never ends. Find me at π™ˆπ™€π™’ π™žπ™£ π™©π™π™š π™ˆπ™€π™’π™šπ™£π™© on Facebook and Instagram. In addition to 𝗛𝗲𝗿 π—©π—Άπ—²π˜„ 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲, you can also find my work on Collegiate Parent, The Real Deal of Parenting, Grown and Flown and others.

A Mother Doesn’t Lose Herselfβ€”She Grows into Someone New

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Son kissing his mother's forehead, outdoor photo

A part of us dies when we have a child. And we don’t mind at the time because the child becomes our world and fills the gap that was formed. And me becomes us and I is forgotten. We’ll get our life back one day. We’ll get our self back on track soonβ€”perhaps when they are toddlers, or go to school, have sleepovers, or become teens. But we don’t. Because our life as we knew it has gone. It simply drifted away. And as much as we tried to cling to some small part, it crumbled as we touched it...

Keep Reading

I’m Letting Go of My Toxic Mother

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Daughter holding mother's hand, color photo

My mom died. She died, but I became free. For the very first time in my life, I’m not worried about what stories and lies she’s spreading about me. Even though we lived thousands of miles apart from each other, she had everyone around me in the palm of her hand. They believed her. I was a horrible child, rebellious teenager, and spiteful adult.  You see, I was never good enough for her. Her fantasy of what she believed a daughter ought to be is something I simply could never live up to. When I realized the behavior was transferring...

Keep Reading

My Childhood Home Is Forever a Part of Me

In: Grown Children, Living
Mother, father, daughter, older color photo

Of all the places I will roam, home is forever part of me. I can see the bright, orange poppies coming out to grace the springtime hills. I can hear the classic hymns being played on the familiar pianoβ€”its notes drifting God’s praise throughout the house. I can smell the fragrant aroma of brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, and oats mixing together to make the cookies of my childhood. I can touch your warm embraceβ€”the firm hug that has always communicated that it will all be okay, that God has us held in the palm of his hands. I can taste...

Keep Reading

When the Last Baby Graduates

In: Grown Children, Living, Motherhood
Graduate with parents smiling, cap and gown

We’ve been through this before, so we know the waves of emotions that roll through us. When our kids graduateβ€”be it from preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, or collegeβ€”we moms come to terms with one season ending and a new one beginning. RELATED: I Blinked and You Went From Kindergarten to College When it’s your last child who is graduating from college, this can feel like uncharted territory. Yes, we know that we find new rhythms to our relationship from having gone through this with our other child(ren). But we as moms have not yet left the college...

Keep Reading

Full Circle Moments and Precious Memories

In: Grown Children, Living, Motherhood
Father and young daughter, old photo next to adult daughter in classroom, color photo

Parents often leave imprints on their children’s hearts. As a mom, I sometimes find myself wondering if this is true, but as a daughter, I know it to be true. This is because growing up, my dad left such a big imprint on my own heart. He imprinted the love of reading into my life when I was a young girl. He would read stories to me at bedtime every night until I could read them back to him. We would become immersed in each story, and I savored this bedtime ritual through the years. RELATED: It Doesn’t Matter How...

Keep Reading

5 Money Tips to Set YourΒ Kids Up for a Strong Financial Future

In: Grown Children, Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Father putting quarters in child's hand

As parents, we want to see our children become independent, but the transition to financial independence has unique challenges. I get it. I have three children of my own, and each of them deals with money differently. The transition can be especially difficult if you are a family that doesn’t talk openly about money. Regardless of whether money has been an open topic in the past, as your high school graduate moves on to the next chapter in their life, it’s important to help them start thinking about their financial future. College tuition, rent, and other expenses can be overwhelming...

Keep Reading

Mothering Doesn’t End at Graduation

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Mom hugging new grad

From the moment we hear our baby’s cry after giving birth, we are on a beautiful hamster wheel of stages, phases, and 24 hours of endless love for these humans we created. Long sleepless nights, doctor appointments, diapers, bottles, sippy cups, baby food, first steps, first words, first illness, first milestones, first bus ride to school to the high school diplomaβ€”it’s almost impossible to quantify everything that happens during the first 18 years of life. We’ve all had a love/hate relationship with our weekends flooded with schedulingβ€”for us, it was Little League games, tennis tournaments, and eventually competitive baseball showcases....

Keep Reading

As a Mom of Teens, I’m Rounding the Corner on An Empty Nest

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Mom and teen daughter

I’m reaching the age where friends are becoming empty nesters. I see their heartfelt posts about leaving their youngest child at college, their baby moving cross-country, or their last child leaving home for some other adventure and realize that as the parent of two teens, my turn is coming.    My friends’ words are so brave! They acknowledge that their big emotions are an indicator of the love they have for their children. They share that though they are heartbroken by how their own lives are changing, they are over-the-moon grateful for this new chapter in their children’s lives.   Many of...

Keep Reading

Moms Show Up and It’s What Matters Most

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Mother and adult daughter, smiling, black-and-white photo

I think I’ve decided that maybe the most important thing in parenthood is simply showing up. It could be picking your child up from school or daycare. It doesn’t matter if the afternoon is going to be chaos or if there are 101 things to get done. In those moments your child comes out of the classroom door and they spot you, their face is all the thanks you need. Even if it’s only for a second, there’s always a smile that says I’m happy to see you.  A sports game, or up on stage, school assemblies, even a bench...

Keep Reading

My Adoptive Mom is My Mother

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Handwritten note that says I love you! Mom and a flower drawn

She patiently cleaned the chocolate ice cream off my shirt the first day we met, even as I vehemently asserted, β€œYou’re not my mommy!” She carefully laid out my new room, created an introductory picture book that I still have to this day, and kept calm in the volcano of my emotions that I angrily graced her with within days of my moving in. She wrote me notes to remind me of her loveβ€”little sheets of paper with her signature flower drawing that I still have to this day. She taught me basic skills no one else had shown me,...

Keep Reading