Find yourself wanting a better marriage? Get a hot tub. No seriously, get a hot tub.

It almost sounds silly to admit out loud—we are hot tub people. I never envisioned being a “spa” owner. I mean, really, if you need to relax take a bath, right? Thinking back, I am pretty sure I thought the hot tub fad ended some time in the 90s and that, in general, they weren’t always cleaned well. I wasn’t against them, per se, but it certainly wasn’t on my life’s bucket list to be a hot tub owner. So how did we end up here? When we purchased our home, the previous owners decided not to take their hot tub with them. I thought it would be a novelty that would wear off after a few dips in the jacuzzi. What I wasn’t prepared for was how it would transform our relationship in unexpected ways.

You see, as the mom of two busy boys and a husband who gives his all to provide for our family, it can become easy to allow our relationship to take a backseat to the to-do lists of life. Even more so, when we do have nightly down time we might watch a show together while one of us scrolls social media or responds to emails. Hardly what I would classify as “quality time”. 

When we found the hot tub I didn’t even know we needed it. But what we discovered was a magical window where time seems to simply stand still—completely uninterrupted time. No kids. No phones. No TV. No distractions. Just one-on-one quality husband and wife conversation.

Friend, when was the last time you gave (or received) complete undivided attention directed toward your spouse? The kind of focus that isn’t about what you have going on tomorrow, the challenges of today or how you are dividing up household duties. I began to crave our hot tub time because we got to laugh together. Dream about the future. And just chat about the stars or the brightness of the moon. For us, time freezes and we just have each other. It’s beautiful. Some nights our talks are light-hearted and others I have cried as I disclosed my deepest fears and insecurities to my husband. Either way, this sacred time is fueling and binding a closer, more genuine, relationship.

So mama, have you found your hot tub? Maybe a literal hot tub isn’t quite practical for you, or, like me, you just aren’t into the concept. Wherever life finds your right now—overwhelmed, broken, indifferent, happy, bitter, anxious or calm—know that making your relationship a priority is never wasted time. It’s OK to feel utterly lost or angry and still make room for quality time with your spouse. You can be both sad and present. We can be—and thrive—in both absolutes. In time, it is my hope that you will find a sense of peace and connectedness. Choose to take your husband on your journey with you—the good and the bad ones.

Whether your quality time looks like my hot tub, a nightly board game, a book club or sunset conversations, I challenge you to find your place. The kids will grow and move on. Your spouse will remain your life’s constant. Don’t abandon him—he needs you and longs to know he’s a priority in the midst of raising littles. Build your life together from the strongest of foundations. Relationships take work, my friend. Start small and don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Simply find room to be present.

And maybe, just maybe, get a hot tub.

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