I am a recovering people pleaser, and I’m learning to be more selfish. I feel the strong need to make other people happy and get so disappointed in myself when I am not able to achieve that.

Speaking up for myself isn’t an easy task for me, but it’s something I have tried to do many times. Whenever I am able to form the words together, it feels selfish.

Setting boundaries feels really selfish to me. I’ve finally reached the point of being able to set my boundaries and not back down when I do. There are times when they are accepted and times when they are not respected. In both cases, I feel proud of myself for having those hard conversations.

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I feel proud, and then, I feel the guilt start to take over my body, what seems to be one section at a time. It starts with the thoughts in my head and then makes its way down to make my legs restless. Don’t forget a stressed chest and a stomach filled with what seems to the ocean in between. 

My nos didn’t feel strong enough in the past, and many times they were ignored. There were many times I was talked to like I was being selfish for not thinking of the family even though I felt no comfort or safety with some.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Selfishness is defined as when a person is lacking consideration when it comes to other people. Selfishness is when people regularly act in their own self-interest.

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People have regular needs, do they not? If you’re always putting yourself last, how will you truly be able to show up for others? We need to be selfish sometimes. Filling up your cup doesn’t mean you won’t be able to have empathy or meet other people’s needs. It is just not possible to pour from a cup that is empty. To pour into other people’s cups, you need to also be filling up your own.

Sometimes, relationships will require compromise. You don’t need to compromise for unhealthiness. Pleasing everyone is not possible. Don’t settle for unhealthy environments. People, please also consider your needs.

Originally published on the author’s Instagram page