Dear Target,

I hate to do this, but it’s time we had a serious talk.

Things between us lately have been…different. 

I first noticed it a few weeks ago when I walked through your automatic doors on one of my many sanity-saving trips to your retail wonderland. I have a pack of kids, you remember, and sometimes, sneaking away to pay you a visit is all that stands between me and a one-way ticket to crazy town. There’s something soothing about your aisles full of stuff I mostly don’t need, and I can’t even really explain how your end caps always seem to lure me in with just the right mix of clearance priced wall clocks and last season’s cocktail napkins, but there it is.

You just get me. 

At least, you used to. 

There was a sign in your entryway heralding the upcoming arrival of a handful of new brands to our little arrangement. And I thought, “Super! There’s always room for some fun new partygoers here. The more the merrier!” 

But when I rounded the corner (after a spin through The One Spot, naturally), I started feeling a little uneasy. 

There were a few extra red and khaki-clad workers milling about the sunglasses section. Makes sense, I reasoned. Summer is officially on the way out, so it’s time to make room for scarves those exciting new brands and such. 

But as I pushed my cart towards the next department—girls’ clothing—the suspicion loitering in the back of my brain started a slightly panicked trip to consciousness as I took in the partially assembled, weirdly tall shelving units that had suddenly appeared. 

You were rearranging. 

And I did not, I repeat, DID NOT authorize it. 

 

Here’s the thing, Target. I’ve come to depend on you as a sort of constant in my life. I know how to steer my red plastic cart to the exact spot where baby fingernail clippers live, without even turning on my brain. I can overthink every other aspect of the life I live outside your doors and still find my son’s preferred orange citrus hand soap without devoting a single neuron to the task. I know your wide aisles, the ins and outs of the food section, where the Shopkins are, and how to find those blasted book light batteries I seem to replace every three weeks. 

So you see, when you move those things around, it messes with my internal feng shui—and therefore, my sanity. 

We should take a moment to address the strange Honey I Shrunk The Kids motif you’ve included in this latest redesign, too. I don’t know if Wayne Szalinski is your new director of marketing or what, but those oversized shopping basket display things? Yeah. Not so much. 

I ran into a friend after walking by a line of them, and our incredulous eyes met above the ridiculous giant gray handles. What’s next—children hanging off giant spoonfuls of soggy Cheerios? I know, you’re just trying to stay relevant. Gotta keep up with the hip millennials who heart IKEA and all that. 

Well, lean in close now, Target, because this is the crux of our issue: I DON’T WANT YOU TO CHANGE.

I like my familiar, long ago memorized layout. I like normal sized stacks of shopping baskets that aren’t trying to be cute and clever. I like clothing displays that don’t make me feel as if I’m walking through the Grand Canyon of leggings and graphic tees. 

I like you the way you were, Target. We had a good thing going, and you’re jeopardizing it. 

So, how about we make a deal: I’ll let you have your little mid-year identity crisis. You spread your wings and test them out for a few weeks. You try your overgrown displays and your confusing couch-in-the-middle-of-housewares vignettes that I repeatedly have to chase my three-year-old from. But get it out of your system before the holiday shopping season starts, ok? We’ll all be happier that way, trust me. 

Thanks for the chat. 

Love, Carolyn

You May Also Like: To The Overwhelmed Mama Who Handed Me Her Baby In Target: We’re All In This Together

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Carolyn Moore

Carolyn has served as Editor-in-Chief of Her View From Home since 2017. A long time ago, she worked in local TV news and fell in love with telling stories—something she feels grateful to help women do every day at HVFH. She lives in flyover country with her husband and five kids but is really meant to be by the ocean with a good book and a McDonald's fountain Coke. 

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 Years

In: Humor, Relationships
How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 years www.herviewfromhome.com

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. We got married back in 2008 following my college graduation. I was only 22 at the time and him? Well, he was all good-looking at the prime age of 30. There were may vocal skeptics who chimed in, unasked of course, to share with us their belief that we would “never last” and that it would “never work”. To them, I say, “You were wrong! Na-na, na-na, boo-boo!” Just kidding, of course; I don’t talk like that. I am a respectable mother, not a four-year-old child and thank goodness...

Keep Reading

How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps

In: Humor, Kids
How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps www.herviewfromhome.com

It was time. It had to happen. We’d had a good run at pouring our children into bed at 11:30 p.m., sweaty, sticky, and exhausted from their head to their toes.  But bedtime had to get back to its (somewhat) regularly scheduled program.  When we had one kid, bedtime was a breeze.  Each night, we had a 10 step process. And the steps were simple. And very, very routine. 1. Toys away at 7:10 p.m. 2. Up the stairs at 7:15 p.m. 3. Change into pajamas 4. Brush teeth 5. Read two books 6. Say prayers 7. Light off 8....

Keep Reading

Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season www.herviewfromhome.com

Your husband has a mere headache, but he automatically now believes that he is going to be a chronic sufferer of cluster migraines. Or, maybe he got a small splinter, but he now believes that he is, without probability, going to end up with a staph infection. And, well, that cough of his (cough, cough) is going to have him laid up in bed for the next two days because he is just feeling so terrible. Sound familiar? It is all too familiar to me. What am I talking about? How men are babies when they get sick. Yes, I said it. I...

Keep Reading

Wanted: Imperfect Friends

In: Humor, Relationships
Wanted: Imperfect Friends www.herviewfromhome.com

Is anyone else as sick of the facade as I am?  Because on social media, everyone seems to have their crap together. But I sure don’t.  Scrolling through my feeds leaves me feeling inadequate and lonely, desperately lonely.  I know social media is only the high points. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But at the end of the day, I just feel like there’s no one who would want to be friends with little, imperfect, insignificant, me.  So, I’m placing an ad.  Wanted: Imperfect Friends A kind, but quirky,...

Keep Reading

51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late

In: Humor, Motherhood
51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ve got a question for all you moms out there: Have you ever been late? Yeah, me neither. Just kidding! We’ve all been there. We have an appointment, a meeting, an event, or just a playdate, and we want to be on time. In fact, it often looks and feels like we’re going to be on time. We’ve planned ahead. We have everything in order, and we are ready to head out the door. But then, without fail, the inevitable happens. Actually, it seems that a good number of inevitables happen. And we’re running late, again. Being on time is...

Keep Reading

5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun

In: Humor, Kids
5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun www.herviewfromhome.com

We know Mom loves us, don’t worry about that . . . but sometimes it seems like she’s just making up a whole pile of rules to ruin our fun. For instance, we’ll be in the middle of a huge independent project and she’ll come along, usually shriek, and be like, “You can’t use water guns to fill up the bathtub! And why are you shooting water into the toilet? Ewwwwww.” And just like that, we have to pack it all up and return to a clean orderly activity. A controlled activity. A zero fun activity. We’re not even sure...

Keep Reading

Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit?

In: Humor, Journal
Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit? www.herviewfromhome.com

While swaying in side-by-side hammocks, my daughter paid me the ultimate compliment: “It gives me enormous peace of mind while I’m working, to know you’re watching my son and that he’s in the most capable hands.” Then 10 seconds later while I was still orbiting in happy mode, she insulted me by offering to PAY me for this glorious privilege. We engaged in a little tit for tat tug of war with no clear winner. And the debate rages on, at least in our household. How about yours? To pay or not to pay the loving grandparents who bless us...

Keep Reading

Kids Today Will Never Know the Joy of a 90s Summer

In: Humor

So you want a good old fashioned 90s summer, huh? I don’t blame you. The 90s rocked! (Literally, thanks to Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder.) I’m not going to lie—I take slight offense to the use of “old fashioned” and “90s” in the same sentence, as I’m pretty sure the 90s were like 10 years ago, but I’ll still help you out. If you’re really doing this though, you’ll need to ditch some of your modern conveniences, like your phone. I know, I know, but it’s a requirement. You may bring a beeper or clunky flip-phone, but no internet allowed...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber

In: Humor, Kids
Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber www.herviewfromhome.com

Paid automotive transportation is pretty simple. You hop in the backseat of a cab, share the address where you are going and aren’t required to speak any longer until you arrive at your destination and pay the driver. The same primary rules apply to taking an Uber or Lyft.  The unwritten rules have been in place for some time. Your trade-off for taking paid transportation is a ride in the backseat, where you don’t have control over the music, the temperature of the car, the route the driver takes or how fast the trip takes, not even the amount of...

Keep Reading