Even When I Fail, I Hope You Feel My Love

I am sorry for the days I am not enough—the days I am short on attention or tempered for reasons that don’t matter as much as you matter.

I am not always living in the moment. I am mulling over the past or worrying about the future. I am sorry for not letting go sooner of things I can’t control and sometimes missing the beauty of you, right in front of me.

I apologize for the days I let exhaustion or circumstances get the best of me. If it gets the best of me, it gets the best of you. I regret leading you to defeat with me.

RELATED: I Failed as a Mom Today and I May Fail Again Tomorrow, But I’ll Keep on Trying

When I can’t fix your pain, physical or emotional, I am deeply sorry. I never want you to feel anything but joy. If I am ever the cause of your sorrow, I hope you can forgive me.

I apologize for expecting more than I should from you and then getting angry because, of course, you can’t deliver.

During the days when I rush you to grow up, I regret it late into the night. I hope you know I will miss you being little and don’t want you to grow up too fast.

I am so grateful to be your mother, even on the days when it may not seem that way. You are my greatest gift. I treasure our time together.

From the moments that seem small to your greatest achievements, I am proud of you. If it seemed like I was not present, now, and again, I apologize.

I will love you with all my heart, even when you are big. I will care about you, your struggles, and your wins. But I might not get to see everything when you don’t need me as much, so I am sorry for what I might miss.

You inspire me to be better in every way, but sometimes I still fail.

I apologize for my failures and promise to never give up. I will always try to heal my wrongs and repair any damage I have caused.

RELATED: I’m a Mom Who’s Learned To Say I’m Sorry

Someday, you will think about your childhood. You will evaluate my mistakes, and you will recognize my strengths. Hopefully, my mistakes won’t cause you any long-term unhappiness, and you can give your mother grace.

Because the truth is, you were always and will be forever loved.

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Lindsay Criswell

Lindsay Criswell is a daughter, a big sister, a wife, a friend, and a mother of three young boys. Her middle child is autistic. As a visual artist, instructor, writer, autism advocate, business owner and now a cancer survivor, Lindsay’s mission is to share knowledge, encouragement, and love. Fueled by much faith in God, a hubby she can count on, and ample amounts of coffee, Lindsay balances the time challenges of family and running Branch and Stone Studio, a creative haven and blog for all ages and abilities where everyone is celebrated. She is thankful for the opportunity to serve her family, friends, community, and readers while doing what she loves.