In the beginning, I wanted to be a PERFECT mom. And I’ll never forget the first time I lost my calm and yelled.
My little one stopped and looked up at me. Surprised.
Then I cried, of course.
Because what kind of mom yells at a preschooler???
I felt like such a failure.
And before I knew it, I was ALWAYS failing. I forgot things. Or lost things. Or burned dinner. Or showed up late. Again.
Then I had MORE children. So, I failed a lot more too.
I didn’t sign this. I missed the email about that. I got the time wrong for soccer practice. Again. And the laundry?? Well, it rarely left the basket.
I’m 16 years in now. And I am still ALWAYS failing, it seems!
Still forgetting things. Losing things. Late for things.
I get it wrong ALL THE TIME. And even though I pray for patience every day, I lose my calm. A lot.
I never imagined I’d be a mom who yells sometimes, but I do. More than I care to admit.
Sometimes I roll my eyes. I’m sarcastic. I get annoyed. I give my teenager snotty replies. I sigh heavily and say “Yeeeesss . . . I’ll rock you,” when I really just want my preschooler to go to bed already.
I mess up. A LOT.
Turns out I’m not perfect. Not even close.
But amid all that failing, I am learning to see the GOOD, too.
School lunches and signed planners and kisses on the tops of little heads before I send them off to school. Board games at the table or all of us snuggled up on the couch. Special treats from the store. Noisy dinners around the table and my attempt at High/Low for the day. Birthday cakes and trips to the park and an interested face at (almost) every single, “Hey Mom! Watch this!”
Then bedtime books and back tickles and whispered prayers every night before bed.
Day after day, I do for them, and pray for them, and cheer for them, and show up for them.
I keep trying.
And I LOVE them with my whole heart!
Yep. In the beginning, I wanted to be a perfect mom.
But it turns out I’m a GOOD mom who is HUMAN.
And mostly ordinary, after all.
So instead of a perfect story, I hope one day my children will tell this story:
Our mom messed up a lot.
She lost her temper. Sometimes she said a few choice words.
She forgot things. She missed things. She was a mediocre cook. And our house was often a mess.
But she was quick to apologize. She forgave easily too.
Every day, she was proud to be our mom.
She showed up for us. And kept trying.
Our house was full of fun and laughter.
She wasn’t perfect . . . she was ordinary.
But we never for a moment doubted her extraordinary LOVE.