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I pray. Everyday. For me. For my sons. For my family and friends. And for my former husband. I have been very open and honest about how difficult my separation and divorce has been on me. I am still suffering. I am still in pain. I am still grieving. You may ask why? Why would I pray for someone who has done nothing but hurt me in the past couple years? 

The answer is because I have to. I have to pray for him because no matter how much it hurts to see him live his life, mistakes and all, I need him to succeed. I need him to be happy and healthy. I need him to have the strength and courage to do what is just and right. I need him to flourish in his relationship with his family and friends. I need him to do the hard with his new love. I need him to have guidance and wisdom from God. I need him to have learned from his mistakes in our marriage to make his next marriage last. I need him to face his faults and tackle his demons. I need him to try. 

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
–Philippians 2:3-4

I pray for him because I need him to be a good father to my sons. I pray for him and his new fiance so they can show my sons what marriage and unselfish love looks like. I pray for him because I need him to take care of himself mentally and physically so he can live a long life and be present in his sons’ lives. I pray for him to prosper in his career so he can provide financially for our sons. I pray for him and his relationships with his friends and his family, because those are some of the most important parts of life. Family is everything. When he struggles in those relationships, he personally struggles. I pray for him to be strong enough to do the hard. The hard of life. I pray he is able to stay still and fight for his sons, his fiance, his someday new family. Even though it hurts to know he wasn’t able to do the hard with me, I NEED him to do the hard this next time around. Because I can’t show my sons this by myself. My T & G need multiple examples of loving, selfless, and great relationships. They already see so much hate in this world. I have to have my sons see more love. Real love. Good love. Godly love. I need my sons to be shown from their father and mother.

Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
–Luke 6:28

I pray for my former husband. For when I pray for him, I am letting go of the anger and bitterness in my heart. For when I pray for him, I am becoming more like Jesus. Bringing forgiveness into my heart. This is God working in me. Using me for His work and glory. God doesn’t do anything that will harm or defeat me. God is pushing me to pray for him so I will become a better woman and mother. For when I pray for him, I am loving according to the Bible. For when I pray for him, I am healing myself. I am not someone who can hate or ask for ill will on others. Praying for him is providing me the strength to move forward and let go of what was. Even though it is hard. Even though I am given nothing in return. I pray. For him. For her. For my sons. For me. 

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
–Matthew 5:43-45

I pray for my former husband because I know he isn’t. He isn’t praying for himself. He isn’t praying for healing. He isn’t praying for his new relationship and future. He isn’t. So I am. Because I loved him. Because he is the father to my greatest gifts on this earth. Because I still love and care for him. I pray for my former husband because although I miss him every day and I miss sharing our boys together, he has set me free. He has set me free from a life where I never would have been able to pray for him. Or me. Even though I still grieve and hurt, this divorce has made me better off. For now, I am happier and more joyful then I ever was with him. This makes me cry. I so wanted to do life with him. It pains me to admit that we just couldn’t. We were never equally yoked. I believe in God and His son, Jesus Christ. I know of the glory I will receive. I know the power of prayer. So I pray for my former husband. Because he doesn’t believe. Because he doesn’t live to be more like Jesus. I pray one day he will. I pray God is able to change my former husband’s heart. I need it. Our sons need it. He needs it. 

And Jesus said to him, ” ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.
–Mark 9:23

And though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory.
–1 Peter 1:8

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Katie Weber

Me. My two little men. My second change. Motherhood. Depression. Divorce. Love. God. laugher. Friendship. My lovely. It's all right here. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark. 

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