Like many women in America, I have a Pinterest problem. Recently, I’ve been on a health food/clean-eating kick (oh, no, not in real life, on Pinterest! Nothing could make me give up chocolate chip cookie dough). After scrolling through for a while and saying, “nope” and “fat chance” a lot in my head, I came across a pin for guilt-free ice cream.
Oooh okay, Pinterest!
I jotted down the ingredients, got out the blender, and set to work.
First, the recipe called for frozen banana slices. Do you know how long it takes to “blend” frozen bananas?
It takes ten minutes of the blender freezing and complaining it’s too cold and whining that we should have just gone to the store to get regular chocolate ice cream. My first issue was that I chose to chop my bananas after I froze them. That was a mistake. After your frozen banana mush looks silky smooth in the blender just like in the wonderfully doctored Pinterest pictures (Ha. Nope.), you add in a spoonful of peanut butter and some cocoa powder and blend that until it looks like chocolate soft serve straight out of DQ. Then, the article literally said, “If you have a few extra calories to spare, add some chocolate sprinkles!”
How many calories can chocolate sprinkles be? Like five? We should all have enough calories to spare for chocolate sprinkles.
I was anxious to see if my concoction tasted as “AH-MAZ-ING” as the caption said it would. I took a bite and wasn’t 100% disappointed (maybe like 45% disappointed) because it was pretty good, for whatever it was. But I can tell you this, it sure wasn’t Edy’s ‘3 Cheers For Chocolate.’ It was maybe one and a half cheers, and they were pretty lackluster at that.
I’m not trying to say that all my Pinterest endeavors are fails; I’m saying what’s the point of guilt-free and skinny ice creams to begin with? Why should I be guilty about the three tubs in the freezer? Some days I’m feeling vanilla, while others call for chocolate. And when I’m feeling particularly crazy, I go for mint chip. Why should I be guilty about not loving the “AH-MAZ-ING” faux ice cream on my spoon?
As women, we are made to feel guilty about eating foods that men eat (I know what you’re thinking, “Another food Feminist.” But why? Just for consuming a bowl of ice cream or stealing an extra fried wanton from our husband’s plate at China Road? Okay, maybe I am a food Feminist! But your faux ice cream is not making me feel guilt-free, it’s making me sad. Sad that according to society eating regular ice cream is bad. Sad that my size 12 pants are considered “extra large” when I think that the bold flower print is just extra fab. Sad for women because we are told we should not be eating food that doesn’t come with the skinny stamp of guilt-free approval.
Now, I love Pinterest, but like I said earlier, I have a Pinterest problem. I have a problem with pictures of weight-loss inspiration that say “Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels” (False; stuffing tastes much better) and “5 Reasons You Are Not Loosing Enough Weight.” I can tell you right now, according to society, you’re never going to be loosing enough weight. So I’ve just stopped trying. I’ve struggled with my weight, self-image, and self-confidence for years and I’m just now getting to a place where I’m happy with who I am, what I eat, and what I look like. And truth be told, my husband thinks it’s sexy when I feel happy and confident. I don’t know, but he probably enjoys the wanton-stealing Anna a whole lot more than the hungry, food-measuring Anna.
If you like this non-ice cream, go you! If you make clean-eating your mission because you just feel good doing it, go you! You have the self-control and the will power to healthy eat that I don’t, and probably won’t ever, have. My point is that just because I’m not you, doesn’t mean I should be guilty.
I’m just going to say it, my ice cream tastes better than yours.