Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

It’s strange how fast things enter our lives. One day I was adjusting to our youngest son going off to college and grieving the loss of my dad when a lump showed up on my husband’s neck. 

Within days our lives changed. Every single part of it changed.

Our routine changed . . . our relationship changed . . . even our souls changed. Because this is what happens when cancer enters life.

And honestly, it wouldn’t have hurt so deeply to see him suffer if I hadn’t loved him so much. But this is the cost of love.

To choose love always means we’ll taste some suffering, too.

We’ve experienced pain beside each other before, but this time was different. You see, we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary just hours before the doctor called to tell us the news. And I honestly kept questioning the timing of it all. But the truth is—it’s never the right time to get this kind of news.

And perhaps the wounds felt the most are the ones where the scalpel cuts the deepest. Because I’ve never felt so close to God as when he’s pruning me in the valley.

Inside these days and in the midst of what felt like the hardest climb through the valley, we sent a text to our family. We asked them to join us in our battle ahead by turning their worry into worship. Because when battles are unleashed in our lives, our stance is essential to the outcome. Our declaration of who God is in these hard seasons shouts out what we truly believe.

And it was almost instant what happened . . . our playlist began filling up with songs they were playing and re-playing to get through the nightmare. The word spread from family members to friends scattered all over the country and reaching even across the world.

You see, when sorrow comes into our lives and brokenness speaks from the depths of our souls, our voices seem louder because there are so many who are suffering through their own versions of hard, looking for an answer to pain. So, when a wounded soul speaks of a powerful way to fight the war raging within, people stop and listen.

This began a new fight for us.

We knew if we didn’t make the choice to surrender our worry in worship, we would lose a piece of ourselves in the battle.

I’d struggled with anxiety for years—often pushing it aside as stress and disregarding the pressure building. We often do this when the struggle seems beyond our control because it’s often messy and painful. But what we choose to shove down eventually surfaces.

And when seasons like this fall upon us, we’re tempted to let them take over our souls. I know, because I’d lived this way for years. So, I knew we had to do it differently this time. We needed a place to settle our souls.

As we fought through the darkness of our situation, we pressed play over and over again. Every anxiety or painful experience was fought in Heaven as we called upon all of Heaven to fight with us. We knew we didn’t have it, but they did.

And we found something amazing inside this journey. We discovered an untapped resource lying deep beyond our realm in the presence of God.

And as we worshiped, we found a community singing alongside us through their own dark seasons. Some fighting bleaker situations than ours—babies struggling to survive, marriages broken far beyond what seemed humanly repairable, addictions raging their own vicious wars, people fighting demons of darkness inside their souls. But inside all this heartache, we worshiped and we found comfort. We found as we stood together, there was a restored strength to carry on.

Friend, life is hard and what I’m learning these days is even in the hardest days of healing—worry and worship cannot coexist. Because within every battle, one will win.

So, as we take the steps ahead we’re continuing to embrace God within the shadows of worship because it’s here we’re finding peace.

And even though we may walk through the darkest of valleys ahead, we will worship God.

Because, friend, we don’t worship Him for what he’s doing but for WHO He is!

And as we continue chasing these sacred moments, God is restoring us. Because when we choose to keep the voice of God as the One who is speaking into us, we find it is so much easier to exhale praise.


So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Ruthann Weece

I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, and daughter-in-law. I am a sister nine times over, a child of God, and a woman hopelessly full of dreams. I am a lover of coffee shop meet-ups and the coastal rocks of Maine. I am a friend who loves deeply, one who grieves deeply, and a lover of God- the true author of my story. I am a writer who wildly and fiercely believes life is a beautiful story worthy of being spoken. I am a story trader who is immensely obsessed with people and their stories, especially the most gifted Storyteller of all . . . God Himself, who is continuously writing and re-writing our stories. Ruthann has been married to her husband, Joe for the past 30 years as they've served in full-time ministry for all of those years. They live and serve in Dallas, Texas where Joe is the lead minister and Ruthann is active in the ministries of Valley View Christian Church. Joe and Ruthann have four grown sons and three beautiful daughters-in-law.  Ruthann invites her readers into her brokenness as she vulnerably shares her story and encourages others to join her in bravely pursuing healing and wholeness. You can follow Ruthann on her blog at: Ruthannweece.com and on Instagram and Facebook.   

The Hardest Prayer I Ever Prayed

In: Cancer, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Bald-headed little girl in hospital bed with her mama, color photo

Trigger warning: Child loss I had a plan for summertime fun with my children. We had just returned from a week-long road trip to the Grand Canyon. I intentionally planned to fill the rest of the summer with activities that would chase away boredom. Craft supplies had been purchased, day trips had been planned, and we were just beginning a week of Vacation Bible School. Excitement was in the air! Yet a tiny nagging fear kept resurfacing: Was there something wrong with my 2-year-old? Ever since she turned two back in the fall, she had become fussy. Our healthy, happy...

Keep Reading

Cancer Taught Me to Open My Hand

In: Cancer, Faith, Motherhood
Woman in cancer treatment holding a young child's hand

When I thought I was going to die, grief blinded me. Not really for myself. I’ve had a pretty good run. Reflecting on my life, it’s easy for me to see that my stroll into adulthood was leisurely. In college, I studied literature, a luxurious indulgence. Even as a naive 20-year-old, I understood the extravagance of being able to sit under a tree and read, albeit in sweltering Missouri heat. I studied the world’s literary masterpieces while sweat trickled down my back, mosquitoes nipped at hard-to-reach places, and the MBA students on campus wondered what I was doing. But those...

Keep Reading

“Wear It Anyway, You Never Know When You’ll Get Another Chance.”

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Two women holding up dresses, color photo

“It’s way too fancy,” I told my husband. “I’d be overdressed.” My new outfit was a beauty—white and lacy, perfect for a summer cocktail party, but too much for a school function on a Tuesday evening. In the back of my head, though, I heard my friend’s voice. Wear it anyway. You never know when you’ll get another chance. The last time I saw Shalean, I was bloated from chemo drugs, and both of us wondered if it would be the last time we’d see each other. My prognosis was bad: triple negative breast cancer, already spread to my lymph...

Keep Reading

This Is How to Show Up for a Friend Who Has Cancer

In: Cancer, Friendship, Living
Bald woman during cancer treatments and same woman in remission, color photo

One moment I was wrestling with my toddler and rocking my 3-month-old to sleep, and the next I was staring blankly at the doctor who just told me I had stage four cancer that had metastasized from my uterus to my left lung and spleen. “Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I smiled at the young doctor who had clearly never given this kind of news to anyone before. I looked over at my husband’s shell-shocked face as he rocked our baby back and forth in the baby carrier because I was still nursing, and we knew we’d be at...

Keep Reading

I Never Wanted to Be a Hospital Mom

In: Cancer, Motherhood
Toddler standing with IV pole, black-and-white photo

Life as a hospital mom is not a life for just anyone. You have no other choice, there is no get-out-free card you can just put down and say, “Nope, Lord, I do not want this, take it back.” My heart hurts 99 percent of the time. My heart hurts for my child and the pain he is suffering. A necessary evil to keep him on the side of Heaven’s gates.  My heart hurts from the unknown of each day. Will he eat? Will he thrive today? What utter chaos will be thrown our way today? Will there be vomit...

Keep Reading

Cancer Is Weird

In: Cancer, Living
Woman smiling, color photo

Cancer is weird. For 3.5 years I looked into the mirror and didn’t recognize the person looking at me.  First, it was scared eyes. My eyes had lost the look in them that made me feel invincible. I had learned I wasn’t.  A week or so later, I saw the cut on my chest for my port. Then it was a bald head. Then a bald, steroid filled, and puffed up faced person looking at me. RELATED: This is What Cancer Looks Like Sometimes it was a teary-eyed, defeated person. Someone who had been up all night in pain.  I...

Keep Reading

Please Don’t Let My Baby Die

In: Cancer, Motherhood
Toddler boy lying in hospital bed, color photo

I wasn’t made for this.  I am not strong enough. Lord, where are you taking me? Why does this joyful time, filled with our last baby’s firsts, have to be this way? Why did the doctors look at me that way? They know what’s coming, and deep down inside, so do I. The inevitable word that is about to come out of their mouths.  The C-word.  Cancer. It’s life-changing.  Almost as if it were a car accident. Believe me, I know about that. To be the reason behind a grown man hanging onto a thread. Completely unintentional. I just needed...

Keep Reading

The Art of Showing Up

In: Cancer, Kids
Dad hugging young son

As a father of four boys, you may imagine that life is hectic from time to time for me.  While it truly is, in fact, quite crazy sometimes, it isn’t always because of the reasons you might think.  I have four boys, ages 11, 4, 3, and almost 2, and that certainly makes for an interesting daily living experience for my wife and me.  We do our best to remain patient and lean on God’s strength and peace to fill us on the days that seem overly daunting and occasionally even downright impossible, but we are human.  Therefore, we fail...

Keep Reading

No One Prepares You for When Your Husband Has Cancer

In: Baby, Cancer, Marriage
Family sitting by window

No one ever prepares you for the moment you hear your spouse has cancer.   More so, no one prepares for you to hear this when you have a 5-month-old at home. “Mom, they said the tumor is cancerous, and they need to enucleate his eye on Thursday,” I say quietly into the phone as I pump in a dirty bathroom stall at the eye hospital.   Whir. Whir. Whir. Whir. Gosh, I hate pumping.  Today is my first day being away from my daughter. My mom is watching her while I made the trip to the eye hospital with...

Keep Reading

l Will Never Stop Missing My Sister

In: Cancer, Grief, Loss
Woman in red shirt

It might be 16 years too late to properly depict the depressive senses that engulfed my whole being when I lost my only sister Aurora to colon cancer in 2006. Painful flashbacks continue to fill my everyday life at the most inopportune moments that  writing about it might somehow alleviate my grief. I remember getting that random phone call from her one sunny day in September 2006 and how guilt automatically hit me. It had been a while since I last saw her. “It’s positive,” she said. Backed with years of joking around and playing tricks on her since childhood,...

Keep Reading