I’m a mother of two young boys, ages three years old and three months old. Since the recent birth of my youngest son, I’ve transitioned from therapist and social worker in the workplace to stay-at-home mom. I’ve come to realize I’m no expert on parenting and there are many things I’m uncertain of as a mother, but there is one thing that I’m completely sure of . . . we all need the real mom friends in our lives.

The real mom friends are the ones who show up authentically for you in your life and provide you with the undeniable support you didn’t even know you needed at the time. And for me, I’m lucky to have several of these friends in my life.

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These are the friends who text you in the middle of the day to check in on you and find out how your prenatal doctor’s appointment went. They are the friends who are with you in the trenches of motherhood and don’t judge you at all when you let them know how difficult the transition from one to two children has been and that you’re not sure how to deal with any of it. They are the friends who show up day after day and week after week in your postpartum season with meals to help you and your family make the transition just a little bit easier.

They are the friends who ask all the questions that no one else is asking you: How are you? How can we help? How can I pray for you? They are the friends who you not only share the struggles of motherhood and parenting with but also the victories. They are the friends you can seek parenting advice from all the while laughing at the fact that none of you have it figured out. They are the friends you have the play dates with, share the coffee with, drink the wine with, and have the intimate conversations with. They are the friends that you can laugh with, share with, and cry with during your motherhood journey.

But how and where do you find these real mom friends? For me, I’ve stumbled upon some wonderful friendships that I cannot imagine life without now. About three years ago when my first son was just a baby, my husband and I joined a small group through our church with other couples, all parenting young children under the age of five. My husband and I began to study the Bible and a variety of studies on marriage and parenting with several other couples. This impacted our family and our faith in so many ways, but then something else grew out of it—”the women’s group chat.”

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The women’s group chat was the text message group that evolved from us moms sharing pictures of our children and planning group outings to a place where each of us opened up, sharing our feelings on so many topics with such vulnerability. It started with the group chat (that the men were secretly okay being left out of) and then moved on to almost monthly ladies’ nights and outings when we were able to connect without any children or husbands. Now, these women are the ones I turn to in the middle of the day or night when I’m struggling, the ones I couldn’t fathom life without.

This motherhood journey is hard—we can all agree on that. No one has it all figured out, but I have figured out a secret to dealing with all of it: Find your real mom friends and hold on to them tight. Invest in each other, care for each other, and pray for one another. Be there for the moms in your life and their children and husbands. Undoubtedly these women will carry you through motherhood in a way you never expected they would.